Posts tagged "friendship"

Friend Zone: Forget Or Forgive?

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Any relationship should be 50/50 and when you start to notice your friendship becoming strenuous, it might be because you are putting out more effort than you are receiving. Being taken advantage of by a friend isn’t worth it and here are 4 steps to take when you think it’s happening to you.

Give It A Second Look: Determine how the situation makes you feel. If the roles were reversed, would you have done the same thing to your friend like she did to you?

Benefit of The Doubt: Find out if she’s going through a tough time, which is causing her to change her behavior.

Be Assertive, Be Be Assertive: Tell her how you feel and how you think she has taken advantage of you whether it was just this one time or on multiple occasions.

Drop Her: ONLY IF NECESSARY. This is the bottom line. If what you’re saying is going in one ear, out the other, and behavior isn’t changing, it’s best for your own mental health to respectfully move on.

-Tia Banks, Content Editor

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Nobody Needs Nobody

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Health/Beauty, Latest | by — January 14, 2014

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Often times we go through life and think being healthy is all about eating the right things and having enough exercise. However, there is so much more to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. The things, people, and relationships we allow in our lives affect our health and overall well being. Sometimes your parents might complain about your friends and how they really wish you wouldn’t hang out with this person or the other; and that is because they realize how the company you keep affects your life.

When I was just a baby, I was introduced to my cousins and told they would be some of my best friends. Twenty-six years later, we are all still going strong. Every one of us is managing our own life and maintaining positive vibes and lifestyles. While I love my cousins, there came a time(s) in my life when I was forced find other friends and make judgment calls as to whether or not those (new) friends were positive influences.Heidi

As a rebellious, know-it-all teenager I made friends based on social status and popularity. I did not care if these friendships were detrimental to my well-being, what concerned me the most was if my new friends smoked cigarettes, could weasel up some liquor, or knew anyone who could put us in contact with the weed man. My priorities were not focused on whether or not my new friends would encourage me to be a better person or offer a shoulder to lean on during difficult times. As a younger woman, I didn’t know that social status and access to drugs and alcohol should/did not define a friendship. As a matter of fact, if there is someone in your life and their only connection to you is parties and/or moments of intoxication, it is very likely this person is not your friend and does not generate a healthy relationship for your life.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Birds of a feather flock together.”? Well, it is so true. You can’t expect your life to be headed down a path of prosperity and joy when you surround yourself with ill accomplished, disconnected people. Part of the reason my life has generated success for me and I have been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle is because I surround myself with people and relationships that are successful and healthy. No not all of my friends have careers making six figures or run eight miles every day, but they each have a strong faith and value the importance of their own well being and success. Their positive outlooks on life trickle down into our friendships and eventually my own life. When you surround yourself with people who do not care what college they attend or if they get arrested for shoplifting, it is likely that same energy will be transferred into your life. You will then find yourself unconcerned with life’s outcomes and your brightest dreams will soon become lackluster.

When it comes to a healthy lifestyle, allowing yourself to participate in healthy friendships/relationships is just as important as daily physical activity and a healthy diet. An unhealthy relationship of any sort (friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) will have negative effects on you and your life. You can’t expect to grow and increase if all you’ve surrounded yourself with are stagnant people. You can’t think that you’ll never become addicted to drugs if all you hang around are drug dealers and dope smokers. You can’t expect to be at the top of your class if every single one of your friends is at the bottom. Know your goals and where you want to be in life. Examine the relationships in your life with a microscope and determine which relationships are healthy and support the dreams and aspirations you have for yourself.

We, as human beings, are supposed to be connected to each other.  Knowing that we need people in our lives is easily understood, but things become most difficult when it is time for us to determine to whom we should be connected. It is only natural for you to want to follow the crowd and hang out with the “cool” kids. No one wants to feel like an outsider, especially during your teenage years. But sometimes what we fail to realize is that what is cool is not always healthy or beneficial for us. Middle and High schools are only a fragment of your life. Do not stress yourself about maintaining a relationship with the captain of the cheerleading squad because she throws the best parties- it is irrelevant. But do stress yourself about maintaining those relationships which encourage you to put your best foot forward and focus on the things that will generate positivity in your life. When your parents tell you they don’t like this person or the next it is not because they want to hurt you or make your life miserable, it is because they know that person and that relationship are not going to be of benefit to you. Listen to your mentors and parents as they try to guide you to healthy relationships. Your connections with the right people will eventually become your connections to your own success.

Start to evaluate your circle. If your friends are unreliable or don’t support you in everything you do, then those friends are not what you need. In life we outgrow people. The thought makes some nervous, but to outgrow someone is great. This means you’re making progress in your life and you are not the same person you once were. So, as you take control of your life and your relationships, seek people who are going to generate positively healthy relationships. Keep your goals and aspirations in the forefront and those who need to be in your life will come and stay.

Find an invaluable relationship, fine tune it, and hold on tight. Do not get caught up in relationships that don’t matter. Until next time ladies, stay humble, focused and always remember to generate peace, love, health and beauty!

-Heidi Thomas

 

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Gossip Girl

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Relationships, Latest | by — July 29, 2013

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It’s Hot! Juicy! Ooooh you can even smell it a mile away. Hmmm let’s just call it a 6th sense. Yes! When the gossip is in the air you can pick it out a full line up! As much as you try to hold it in it just spills out of your mouth and splatters on the closest ear that ‘s in listening reach. Every conversation even if you start off by talking about something productive it always ends up with the weekly “he say, she say” tidbits of the week. Your homegirl told you something in private and instead of keeping it to yourself you just tell yourself I’m only going to tell your one other good friend and that’s it! You can insert a side eye look right about now because we knows what happens next…yes just a messy game of high school telephone where the message somehow gets chopped and screwed.

Even though you might tell yourself just being the carrier of “factual” information is harmless it often does more good then harm…

Watch What You Say– Yes people love you! They simply can’t get enough off your bubbly personality, your trendy clothing and even though you hate to admit it the fact that you are the school’s verbal social blogger. You always seem to have the newest gossip before anybody knows. Now, as you might think that waef492f2-644a-43d8-b779-d38696d3e20dhat you are spitting out can be backed up by the Encyclopedia in all actuality, you may be the cause of the problem. As much as this may be hard to swallow people who continually spread information about other people’s lives often do not have a life of their own and are not focusing on themselves enough. True statement.

Like Wildfire-In most cases people who want personal information to spread, they will ultimately share it with other people themselves. The fact that someone came to you in private and shared information with you means that they trust you. Trust is a hard trait to gain, so don’t take it so lightly. If they ask for you not to spread it, you should respect them and your friendship enough to not continue to pass on rumors.

Goes Around, Comes Around– “What goes around, comes around,” right? Right! Not trying to simply scare you but you must understand that life is a cycle. Which means whatever you put out in the world is what you will get back in your own life. So to break it down, if your are the rumor queen of your clique or school, do you not think that soon enough there is going to be a rumor spread about you pretty soon?? As basic as it might seem it’s important to treat others how you want to be treated. You would hate for the school to think you made out or even slept with a your guy friend, especially if it’s not true right??

Just always think twice before you deem yourself a “Gossip Girl.” You are too fly to be caught up in everybody’s world except your own

– C.O.R.E Family

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Let The Healing Begin!

Last week, we talked about forgiveness. Well, this week, I want to look at the other side of the equation – apologizing. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I truly learned how important and how hard it can be to apologize. I mentioned last time that forgiveness can be tough, but in a lot of instances, apologizing can be just as difficult, if not more so. The thing that makes apologizing such a difficult task is that it requires us to humble ourselves. First we have to be humble and honest enough to admit we were wrong. Then, we have to call on those same two traits to ask the person we offended for forgiveness. When those things are done sincerely, they can be very humbling, especially for the inexperienced apologizer.

TVSee, most of us are used to giving and receiving half-assed apologies. Those are the ones that people offer without much thought or sincerity, and they rarely contain an admission of what was actually done wrong. That ain’t how it goes. A real apology requires some introspection to admit to yourself that you were wrong and that the offended party deserves to be treated better. In addition to introspection, there also has to be some perspective in order to see your actions from the other person’s point of view. Then, it requires the humility to admit the things that you just admitted to yourself to the other person. Finally, a true apology requires maturity because it takes a mature person to be able to offer up an apology and really mean it.

Yes, you may feel a little better once you apologize, but the apology isn’t about you. It’s about showing the other person enough respect to admit that you were wrong and that they weren’t deserving of that kind of treatment. A real apology is about trying to set things right. It’s about doing what you can to start the healing process for all parties involved. If you’ve ever been hurt and later received an apology, you know how much those words can mean and how they often make it so much easier to let things go. Everyone deserves the opportunity to heal, so when you’re the one who did the hurting, step up and also be the one who starts the healing.

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Find Your Friends

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Relationships, Latest | by — July 23, 2012

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“What did she say??” “I heard that she didn’t like him.” “Oh she secretly gets on my LAST nerve.” Everybody has heard or even said these statements when it comes to their “friends.” Well, even though friendships goes through their ups and downs, it is still important that you understand what is needed in a healthy. Check out what’s important when it comes to a true friendship!

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