Boys, guy, boos… no matter how you label them we still have questions about relationships! Check out what Eden & I had to say about her current boy situation!

You know how they say life and death are in the power of the tongue? Meaning the things that you say can largely affect the outcome of a situation. That’s a true statement, but I am inclined to believe that it doesn’t go far enough. Failure and success are determined largely by our thoughts. The words don’t even have to make it out of our mouths.

People who tell themselves negative things will often get negative results. It’s hard enough to overcome the negative thoughts and actions of others, so having to overcome negativity in your own mind can make a difficult obstacle seem insurmountable. There’s no need to put that extra pressure on yourself.

We all come from different situations. Some of us may have better support systems than others, but we all have the capacity to create success no matter how many people we have cheering us on. Cheerleaders are great, but it’s the players who win the game. In your life you’re the one who decides whether you’re a winner or loser. That’s something you make up in your own mind, so you’d better get your mind right.

Wining about how hard it is, procrastinating, selling yourself short, internalizing the negativity of others– ain’t nobody got time for that! If you want to accomplish something, just make your mind up and do it. It’s that simple. So, if you’re struggling with something, something that you really want to do and know that you can do, stop it. Stop struggling. Stop complaining. Stop procrastinating. Stop sabotaging your success. Take a minute to get your mind right. Then just go handle your business.

-Tiffany Vicks

“For it is in giving that we receive.” ― St. Francis of Assisi

This is the time of year when everyone starts to reflect on the things for which they are thankful. I hear people mention all sorts of things, but most of them revolve around friends, family, personal growth and occasionally material possessions. I think it’s great to be appreciative of all the things and people we have in our lives, but we often overlook being grateful for the things that we’re able to give to enhance the lives of others. Basically, say THANKS for the gift of GIVING.

There are a few aspects to giving that make me see it as a gift. The first is simple. I believe it’s a blessing. Knowing that God chose me to be a vessel to bless someone else is a source of pride and experiencing their unbridled gratitude is one of great humility. Being able to give something to someone else means  that you had to be blessed to have it in the first place. You can’t give something that you don’t have. And this isn’t only about material things; I’m talking about sharing a piece of you. Maybe you’re funny and can make someone laugh on a bad day. You could be a good listener and your listening ear helped ease the feeling of loneliness for a friend. The final and most satisfying aspect of giving that I enjoy is being able to make someone happy. It makes me happy. It kills two birds with one stone. Things can’t get much better than that.

The more I think about it, I believe that being able to do for others is the thing that I’m most thankful for. Besides my family and friends, I haven’t experienced a greater joy than bringing joy to someone else. So if you’re taking some time to reflect on the things in your life that you appreciate most, consider the feeling you get when you think about all of the things that bring you joy. Then consider what it will feel like to give that same feeling to someone else.

-Tiffany Vicks

“I am God’s idea and heaven’s dream. I am somebody of value. Therefore, I put value in my work, value in my play, value in my living, and value in my loving. I have infinite value.”

That’s something that I learned and had to recite often during my time as an engineering student at Tennessee State University. I’m not sure where it came from, but as I reflect on these words today, I have a deep appreciation for them and the fact that the dean required us to learn them. Those three sentences are so powerful because they remind us of how special and unique we are, affirm the fact that each of us are precious jewels, and challenges us to live our lives in a way that reflects our worth. That can be a tall order, but trying to conduct oneself as someone of infinite value might prevent a lot of the mistakes we make. It could also put us on the path to greatness a lot sooner than someone who is struggling with their self-worth.

When I think about a lot of the mistakes that I’ve made in life, quite a few of them can be traced back to making a decision not befitting someone who has infinite value. Many problems with relationships, friendships, and my career have been rooted in selling myself short. I didn’t see or acknowledge my value, so I let others treat me like something frivolous when I should have been requiring the treatment of someone who is priceless. Honestly, I can’t just put that mistreatment strictly on others; there were many occasions where I mistreated myself.

To be God’s idea means that I am of divine design, someone so special that even heaven sees my potential and has high hopes for me. My worth is beyond measure, so how dare I not work, play, live and love like someone who is priceless? And since this statement pertains to all of us, how dare you not do the same?

-Tiffany Vicks

I have a confession to make. When I decided to go natural it wasn’t about trying to stop exposing my body to so many chemicals. Nor was it about learning to embrace the way my hair grows out of my head. It wasn’t this great spiritual journey that I wanted to embark upon to be closer to God. It was about one thing – money. One day I was looking at my budget and I was trying to figure out some places that I could save money. The $150+ per month that I was spending on visits to the salon seemed like the perfect place to start. Now, if it weren’t for this trend of Black women going natural and embracing their natural hair, I may have never considered that an option, but I wasn’t getting into it for any of the profound reasons that a lot of people mentioned. I just needed to save some bread. Fueled by the idea of having some extra money in my pocket, I decided to begin my natural journey.

The transition period was a struggle because having hair with two completely different textures was a styling nightmare. Because I was having such a hard time, I didn’t really enjoy anything about it. Since I started with short hair and I’ve never really been afraid to cut my hair, I decided to just cut all of the permed hair off and dive right into being fully natural. That’s when everything changed. I was so surprised and impressed by the versatility of my hair that I was wondering why anyone ever got a perm in the first place. The more I got to know my hair, the more I loved it. I could swim, workout, and get caught in the rain without having to worry about it. Discovering something about myself and just loving it more and more as I got to know it has been an incredible experience. Because I am so happy with my hair, I want to nurture it and watch it become better and better.

I’ve had a similar experience with my writing. It’s something that I just recently started doing, but when I saw that I enjoyed it and that it’s a way for me to touch people, I began to love it even more. I want to do it more often and nurture the skill so that I can realize my full potential as a writer. As women, we often spend so much time fretting about the things that we don’t like about ourselves. We need to take a moment to find something that we do like and strive to make it better. The process can make you fall in love with yourself and who you have the potential to become. Every woman should know what it feels like to fall in love. Who better to start with than yourself?

-Tiffany Vicks

As women, we are emotional creatures. Our emotions help us to be skillful nurturers, make us more intuitive, and help us to empathize with others. Being so emotional is one of the key characteristics of our femininity, but when we don’t keep our emotions in check, they can wreak havoc on our lives. Therefore, I believe that we should embrace our emotional nature while learning to control those emotions that are such an integral part of us.

Emotions are very powerful tools. They are so powerful that they are abstract things that can produce a physical reaction. Just think about it. When you experience certain emotions, your body often reacts physiologically to that feeling. When you’re sad you may cry. When you’re nervous you may sweat and have an increased heart rate. If you just think about that for a second, that’s something to marvel at. That’s why I say that emotions are such powerful tools. Consequently, living with unchecked, out of control emotions is almost like walking around with a loaded gun without the safety on – someone can get hurt!

Often, when we think of emotions and their effect on our lives, personal relationships come to mind. I plan to discuss that with you eventually, but today I want to take a quick minute to examine how our emotions affect our ability to grow as an individual.

I believe it’s  safe to assume that most of us have areas in our lives that could use some improvement. If you don’t think any aspect of your life needs to be enhanced, then your emotions are getting the best of you early on in the self-improvement process. Believing that we are always right is one of the pitfalls of unchecked emotions. We can get so caught up in pride or other emotions that we’re oblivious to our shortcomings. The first step to checking your emotions is getting them out of the way so that you can see where you need to make some changes.

Making personal changes is hard work because you’ve been who you are for a long time. It’s habit. It’s what’s natural, so trying to do something outside of that is just tough. When you start to walk the path of self-improvement and the road gets rough, your emotions are going to kick in and remind you how easy it would be to just stay how you are.  For me, it’s usually feeling overwhelmed by the seeming enormity of the task or frustration by not seeing progress as quickly as I would like that makes me feel like quitting. If we quit there, then we’re letting those emotions control us when we should be controlling them. Just like those emotions make you want to give up, there are emotions that you can call on that will motivate you to keep going. Determination, pride, accountability to yourself and others can all inspire you to push forward.

In order to be the best version of ourselves, we have to exercise control and balance in every arena. Our emotions are no different. As powerful as emotions are, they are also very fluid. The smallest thing can make them change. You can’t let something so flimsy be the thing that determines your behavior. You can’t let them control you. Exercise some discipline and learn to control them. Use them to fuel your success. Being a woman is an awesome thing, and having strong emotions can be one of the biggest perks of having two X chromosomes when you know how to make them work for you.

-Tiffany Vicks

This time last week I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic with six of my oldest and closest friends, and we had an incredible time. We drove dune buggies through the mud in the countryside, went snorkeling, and even swam with starfish. We kicked it at the resort, lit up the dance floor in the club, and gambled in the casino. For me, this was a life-changing trip. On one hand, I realized that I need to devote more time to traveling to new places and having new experiences, and on the other, I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have the friends that I do. We encourage, support, and challenge each other, and though we may have bumps in the road, I have always known that no matter what happens between us, they’ve got my back.

That trip was awesome, but it was not without its faults. The sun and the salt water wreaked havoc on my skin. There were a few times that I got out of the water and felt a stinging sensation on my face. I rinsed it off with some bottled water, washed it with soap when I got to the room, and kept it moving. Yesterday, when I woke up, I noticed that my skin was peeling. My nose, my forehead….it was all bad. So I made sure to go by the store and get some facial scrub so that I can exfoliate. That way I can scrub off all of the dead skin cells to reveal new healthy ones.

I know that this stuff may seem random, but I promise I’m going to tie it together for you. There are generally two types of people in your life: those who are full of life and help you grow and those who are full of death/negativity and have you out here looking crazy. Your experiences in life are like that trip I just took. There will be times that awesome things happen that reveal who has your back and inspires you to continue to nurture those relationships. Then there will be other times that even though someone convinced you to do something and you may have had fun doing it you were doing damage to yourself and/or others. These are the people that you need to exfoliate. There will be signs that something isn’t right, similar to the stinging sensation that I felt on my face. Doing a superficial rinse may not be enough. You may need to do a serious scrub to make sure you remove them from your life. That is the only way you can make room for the healthy relationships that make you glow.

-Tiffany Vicks

It seems like most people think that they are good listeners. I know I do, but if I’m completely honest, I also know that when I’m angry I suck at listening. A lot of times I may talk over people or listen to what they say but instead of trying to understand and digest what they’re saying, I’m actually just thinking of what I’m going to say in response. When in a relationship, it’s a certainty that your mate will upset you and some form of conflict may ensue. It may be a calm discussion, a heated argument or a spirited debate, but either way both of you are going to need to be able to listen in order to come to a meaningful resolution. So, my piece of advice to you is to shut up and listen – REALLY listen.

My two main issues are talking over people and making a mental list of my rebuttal to every point they make. Both of these things make me a bad listener because neither allows me to actually hear what they’re saying. Of course I hear them talking, but I’m not really putting an effort into taking in what they’re trying to tell me. That makes it more difficult to find common ground, which is the whole point of a meaningful argument in the first place. So the next time you find yourself having a disagreement, try to put your agenda on hold for a minute and make an honest effort at trying to understand what the person is trying to tell you. If you’re used to flying off the handle all of the time, you may find this a little difficult at first, but keep trying. Really listening, and doing it consistently, will help you resolve conflicts faster and may help you better understand the people with whom you’re arguing. So the next time you’re in the middle of a debate and you feel yourself about to go off, shut up, calm your nerves, check your emotions and listen to what the other person is trying to say. It’s worth it.

-Tiffany Vicks

One thing that is an absolute certainty is that things will always change. But even though we all know this, a lot of people have a lot of trouble dealing with change. I believe the best way to handle this is to try to be the author of the changes that happen in your life. Don’t just LET things happen TO you; MAKE things happen FOR you. Since we all know that things must (and always do) change, just be prepared for it. In order to be prepared, there are a few things that you need to know:

Change is certain, so if you never find yourself changing, you’re not doing something right.

My grandma used to say, “Your best sense is your bought sense”, meaning that you learn the most from the mistakes that you make. We are shaped by our experiences. As we go through different things in life, we learn a lot about ourselves and others, and we adapt accordingly. If you are smart, you don’t wait to learn only from your mistakes. You should learn from the experiences and mistakes of others.  You can do this by watching those around you, but a good source of information that is often overlooked is a book. People write about their lives in detail, so consider reading a book by someone that is living or has lived the life that you want for yourself and see what they did to accomplish the things that you would like to do. Anyway, if you find that your outlook on life is always the same, either you aren’t learning from the experiences of yourself and others or you aren’t having meaningful experiences. Either way, you need to get it together.

The way that you change is directly related to the things that you put into your life.

The idiom “you are what you eat” is the most basic way of saying this. If you are surrounding yourself with positive people and consuming positive things – food, information, and entertainment – you will likely begin to make changes for the better. All of that positivity will begin to affect you. It is inevitable. But if you find yourself doing things that you once thought stupid or reprehensible, then you are going the wrong way, and your decisions, as well as their influencers, need to be examined.

Everyone will not like the changes that you make.

Just like change is unavoidable, so is the fact that people will not always be happy with the changes that you make. I don’t know why, but most people are change averse. Therefore, you will likely face some opposition to any change that you make, even when it is for the better. Keep this in mind as you begin to move through life with your new outlook. When those that you trust speak out against something that you’re doing, take the opinion into account, but if you are sure that you are on the right path for your life, continue on your journey.

Change isn’t always easy, and it can often be very unpopular. But if you want to grow and become a better version of yourself, change is necessary. Therefore, seek out positivity, be mindful of the choices that you make, and push towards the things that are right for you even in the face of adversity. Change isn’t always a choice, but being proactive can allow you to exercise more control over that changes that happen in your life.

It’s Hot! Juicy! Ooooh you can even smell it a mile away. Hmmm let’s just call it a 6th sense. Yes! When the gossip is in the air you can pick it out a full line up! As much as you try to hold it in it just spills out of your mouth and splatters on the closest ear that ‘s in listening reach. Every conversation even if you start off by talking about something productive it always ends up with the weekly “he say, she say” tidbits of the week. Your homegirl told you something in private and instead of keeping it to yourself you just tell yourself I’m only going to tell your one other good friend and that’s it! You can insert a side eye look right about now because we knows what happens next…yes just a messy game of high school telephone where the message somehow gets chopped and screwed.

Even though you might tell yourself just being the carrier of “factual” information is harmless it often does more good then harm…

Watch What You Say– Yes people love you! They simply can’t get enough off your bubbly personality, your trendy clothing and even though you hate to admit it the fact that you are the school’s verbal social blogger. You always seem to have the newest gossip before anybody knows. Now, as you might think that what you are spitting out can be backed up by the Encyclopedia in all actuality, you may be the cause of the problem. As much as this may be hard to swallow people who continually spread information about other people’s lives often do not have a life of their own and are not focusing on themselves enough. True statement.

Like Wildfire-In most cases people who want personal information to spread, they will ultimately share it with other people themselves. The fact that someone came to you in private and shared information with you means that they trust you. Trust is a hard trait to gain, so don’t take it so lightly. If they ask for you not to spread it, you should respect them and your friendship enough to not continue to pass on rumors.

Goes Around, Comes Around– “What goes around, comes around,” right? Right! Not trying to simply scare you but you must understand that life is a cycle. Which means whatever you put out in the world is what you will get back in your own life. So to break it down, if your are the rumor queen of your clique or school, do you not think that soon enough there is going to be a rumor spread about you pretty soon?? As basic as it might seem it’s important to treat others how you want to be treated. You would hate for the school to think you made out or even slept with a your guy friend, especially if it’s not true right??

Just always think twice before you deem yourself a “Gossip Girl.” You are too fly to be caught up in everybody’s world except your own

– C.O.R.E Family