It’s Your Fault!

If your boyfriend is horrible, it’s probably all your fault. Now that I’ve put that out there, let’s qualify what it means to be a horrible boyfriend. If he cheats on you, lies to you, disrespects you, continuously takes you for granted, or just completely fails at being anything close to the boyfriend that you actually want, he’s most likely a horrible boyfriend. So, like I said before, if you have a horrible boyfriend, I’m willing to bet that it’s all your fault. Is it your fault that he’s dishonest enough to cheat? No. Is it your fault that he doesn’t respect or appreciate you? No. Is it your fault that he’s just not even in the same ballpark as the type of person that you think of when you think of the ideal boyfriend? Of course not. Is it your fault that he’s YOUR boyfriend? YES!!!TV

In our society, it’s common practice to discuss – extensively – the shortcomings of men, especially when it comes to relationships. Sayings like “All men are dogs” are common place. It’s such a norm that when I typed “all men” in the Google search bar, some of the suggested searches were “all men cheat” and “all men are liars”. I hope that I don’t have to tell you that this isn’t true, but just in case let me be clear. IT’S NOT TRUE. There are definitely plenty of good guys in the world, but because a lot of us have had some unpleasant experiences, the good get lumped together with the bad, and women get to dodge all responsibility in picking a mate.

As young women, you’re just starting to enter the world of dating, and some of you may be considering entering a steady relationship with someone. I want to give you a little piece of reality that so many women – young and old – seem not to have. If a guy shows you exactly who he is and/or tells you exactly what he wants and those things don’t correspond to what you want and you choose to be in a relationship with him anyway, it is absolutely your fault that you are unhappy in your situation. Let’s go over a couple of examples where this rule applies.

Example #1: You want a boyfriend, someone to be committed to only you and you’re dating a guy who says that he’s not ready to settle down. Instead of accepting what he said and moving on or continuing to date him casually, you decide to try to wear him down until he commits to you. Finally, he says he’ll be your man, but you later find out he’s cheating on you. The hurt you experience will be partially your fault. True, he shouldn’t have agreed to do something he really didn’t want to do, i.e. be in a relationship, but you shouldn’t have tried to change him into what you wanted instead of just waiting until a guy who wanted the same things you do came along.

Example #2: You’re dating a guy, and he is saying all of the right things. He’s charming, funny, and down to earth. You guys have a great time when you’re together, but sometimes when you ask him a question, you get the feeling that he’s lying. You ignore the feeling and keep kicking it with him. Eventually, you catch him in a lie, but you forgive him and continue to hang out. Soon, you know that he’s constantly lying to you. Now you’re angry and feeling betrayed, but isn’t it your fault that you’re in so deep when you knew you were being played? Yep. It sure is. If your intuition says that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it, especially if it keeps happening. Tell your dude how you’re feeling, and see what happens. If his shady behavior continues, why would you keep subjecting yourself to it?

We often settle for people who aren’t good for us because we don’t want to be alone or we feel like they’re the best we can do. When they hurt us or disappoint us, we often put all of the blame on them. Of course they are responsible for their actions, but so are you. If you choose to spend your time and give your affection to someone who is mean, selfish or dishonest, how can it be that they shoulder all of the blame for your hurt feelings? You’re the one who chose to put yourself in that situation. This piece isn’t about fussing at you or chastising you. What I want you to take from this is that you are in control of your life. Take some responsibility for yourself! When things go bad, don’t just put the blame off on someone else. You make your own decisions, so when it comes to your mate, CHOOSE WISELY. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

– Tiffany V.

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