Posts tagged "shade"

How to A.C.T. When Your BFF Throws Shade!

We’ve all been there. Your BFF starts throwing shade at you for no apparent reason. You try to ask her what’s wrong, but she just replies with a nonchalant, “Nothing.”

“Nothing? Okay, whatever,” you say. You hate when she acts like this. Everything is cool between the two of you until she comes around. You know . . . the Beyonce- wannabe whose hair extensions should have been redone two weeks ago. She actually thinks that messy bun she’s put them in hides the tracks that are as fake as she is. They’re obviously trying to detach themselves from her over-inflated head.

You roll your eyes. Your best friend didn’t even like her last year. You reminisce on how the two of you used to clown on her and have your 13 year-old brother send her text messages, pretending to be Mr. All-Star Football player—the one she’s been eyeing all year long. The three of you would die laughing reading her “sext message”replies.

But things are different now. She somehow worked her witch-like magic on your friend and now they’re hanging out all the time. But you don’t care. Even if she would’ve invited you to her sweet 16 party, you wouldn’t have gone. Nope, not a chance. It didn’t matter that they guy you’ve been crushing on since freshman year was there . . . and word on the street is he just broke up with his girlfriend. It wouldn’t have mattered that his cute, heartbroken face would’ve been inches from yours when you pulled him on the dance floor. None of that would’ve mattered,because you wouldn’t have gone to that stupid party anyway!

Sound familiar?

So what do I do, Dana, when my friends act shady?

I’m so glad you asked! I say you ACT. And ACT now.

A- Acknowledge your feelings. Be honest with yourself first. How are you really feeling? Are you maybe just a wee bit jealous of the other girl? Why? Would you secretly want to be her friend if she would only acknowledge you? Are you afraid of losing your best friend to her? You’re going to have to be real with yourself and take note of what’s really going on with you. There’s no shame in the truth. Once you acknowledge how you dana chefeel, it’s time to . . .

C- Confront your friend. The important thing to remember is you’re not trying to back her into a corner. Think about it. When a person feels under attack, they usually strike back. Your goal is to share your feelings with your friend and let her know how her behavior is making you feel. It’s not the absence of conflict that makes a relationship strong, but in how you handle the conflict. If your friendship is legit and your friend really cares about you, she will appreciate you being honest with her, even if she seems hurt in the beginning. Remember, you’re telling her how you feel . . . you’re not attacking her character.

T- Trust. Oooh, I know this is a touchy word, and to be honest once trust is broken, it’s sometimes easier just to walk away than to try to rebuild. But this is your best friend. Once you’ve had a heart-to-heart with her and she’s acknowledged your feelings (hopefully), it’s to time bury the hatchet. Don’t bring it up again and don’t expect the worse. Don’t sell out either. You know what I mean . . . being fake around the other chick to try to appease your friend. If the other girl isn’t your cup of latte, don’t force a friendship. But if you do happen to become friends with her, please find a tactful way to educate her on proper weave touchups!

-Dana Che

Dana Che is an inspirational speaker and the author of The Choice That Changed Her Life, a young adult fiction book on one girl’s journey through an emotionally abusive relationship and teenage pregnancy. When she’s not inspiring or empowering others, she can be found catching up on her favorite TV shows on her DVR or hanging with her hubby Shaun and their four amazingly wonderful children.

Learn more about Dana at and connect with her up on your favorite social network.