Q: “Okay, I’ve known this guy for around 18 months now, he’s like my best mate. We do everything together. He knows everything about me from the guys I’ve liked to personal family problems. It’s the same way when it comes to him he feels really comfortable telling me about what’s going on in his life. It’s weird but I realized that I’ve started to like him as more than a friend…Problem is, I’m pretty sure our relationship is friend zoned – How can I change that? I can’t just *tell* him I like him, as it’d ruin our friendship completely. Now I act super self conscious and kind of awkward.Please help!! Tips on getting out of the friend zone?? How do I not ruin the friendship? How can I tell if it’s something deeper??” Nicole,15

Answer:

It seems like you are sharing a lot of things with him, including discussing other guys. Do you think he believes he is in the friend zone, as well? You stated you are “pretty sure” you are in the friend zone. Well that sounds like an assumption and it’s not got good to assume how someone feels!

I know you probably don’t want to hear this but sometimes you got to take a chance. There is only way to get out of friend zone and that’s basically being open about how you feel. Yes, there is a chance to lose a good friendship but you must weigh the options of what you want from the relationship. Do you want to remain just friends, or do you want more?

The situation is difficult because it’s a gamble, but what do you want? You want the friend or do you want the friend in a relationship?

Of course I am not telling you what to do, I can’t do that. But I just want you to think about your feelings in regards to the situation. Can your feelings handle the current friend zone situation or not?

-Joshua Love

Q: “Okay, I’ve known this guy for around 18 months now, he’s like my best mate. We do everything together. He knows everything about me from the guys I’ve liked to personal family problems. It’s the same way when it comes to him he feels really comfortable telling me about what’s going on in his life. It’s weird but I realized that I’ve started to like him as more than a friend…Problem is, I’m pretty sure our relationship is friend zoned – How can I change that? I can’t just *tell* him I like him, as it’d ruin our friendship completely. Now I act super self conscious and kind of awkward.Please help!! Tips on getting out of the friend zone?? How do I not ruin the friendship? How can I tell if it’s something deeper??”

Answer:

It seems like you are sharing a lot of things with him, including discussing other guys. Do you think he believes he is in the friend zone, as well? You stated you are “pretty sure” you are in the friend zone. Well that sounds like an assumption and it’s not got good to assume how someone feels!

I know you probably don’t want to hear this but sometimes you got to take a chance. There is only way to get out of friend zone and that’s basically being open about how you feel. Yes, there is a chance to lose a good friendship but you must weigh the options of what you want from the relationship. Do you want to remain just friends, or do you want more?

The situation is difficult because it’s a gamble, but what do you want? You want the friend or do you want the friend in a relationship?

Of course I am not telling you what to do, I can’t do that. But I just want you to think about your feelings in regards to the situation. Can your feelings handle the current friend zone situation or not?

-Joshua Love

I am dating a guy, I’m 16 years old and I want the relationship to advance but not too far. The thing is  we haven’t even kissed. I’m 16 and haven’t had my first kiss. I’m the most awkward girl ever I feel like. The most intimate thing we’ve done is hold hands and the hugs we give each other are awkward and he gets all weird when we hug.  How can I persuade him to be more confident towards me?  Why doesn’t he want to kiss me?? What should I do??Thanks in advance

My Advice to you is to let the relationship grow at its own pace. Just because you are 16 years old and have not had your first kiss does not mean anything is wrong.  The reason things are awkward between the two of you is because neither of you are comfortable with yourself, you both are most likely over thinking how to embrace one another and putting way too much pressure on yourself. Relax, be cool take your time. Make sure you are developing a strong friendship which can then turn into something more special.  The more time you spend with someone and get to know them the more comfortable they will be with you. There will be no need for persuasion. In fact a little advance for all ladies, you should never have to “persuade” a man to like you or even be confident towards you.   If he likes you he likes you, and if he is comfortable with himself he will be confident with you.  Give your relationship time to develop and if after a while there is still no change then it might be time to move on.

-Ashley Frasier

Q: I have a crush on this  really really cute guy at my school. The problem is that I never told anyone not even my best friend. So a couple of months ago my best friend and him started dating. The thing is I always thought that if he had known I liked him he would have never asked her out. Well He broke up with her a couple of weeks ago and we have been talking a lot lately. I  don’t want to hurt my friend’s feeling but I  don’t want to lose my chance with this boy I’ve been crushing on for the past year. Who knows, he may be my husband one day! What should I do???

A: First and foremost! Let’s slow down with the marriage talk. Think about the guy you dated when you were 15, can you see yourself marrying him? I think not! More than likely you’ll feel the same way about this guy when you’re twenty-one.

The first thing you should do is talk to your friend. Be open, objective, and honest. Use this conversation to find out if she still has feelings for this guy. You also need to find out why she is no longer dating him.You two are best friends for a reason. If there was something about him that she didn’t like then there’s a strong possibility that you will find the same discomfort somewhere down the road.

When you have this conversation be up-front. You might want to start the conversation off by telling your friend how much you value the friendship between the two of you. Explain to her that there is something on your mind that could possibly hurt your friendship but that is the last thing you want to happen.

From that point you should dive right in, ” how would you feel if I told you I wanted to get to know him ??? Better?” I promise you she wouldn’t be defensive but there is a chance her feelings might be a little hurt. The last thing you want to do is flaunt your relationship in front of her. Remember, it’s not WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT.
Give her time to accept the new relationship and slowly work her back around the two of you.

-Justin Townsend

It’s Hot! Juicy! Ooooh you can even smell it a mile away. Hmmm let’s just call it a 6th sense. Yes! When the gossip is in the air you can pick it out a full  line up! As much as you try to hold it in it just spills out of your mouth and splatters on the closest ear that ‘s in listening reach. Every conversation even if you start off by talking about something productive it always ends up with the weekly “he say, she say” tidbits of the week. Your homegirl told you something in private and instead of keeping it to yourself you just tell yourself I’m only going to tell your one other good friend and that’s it! You can insert a side eye look right about now because we knows what happens next…yes just a messy game of high school telephone where the message somehow gets chopped and screwed.

Even though you might  tell yourself just being the carrier of “factual” information is harmless it often does more good then harm…

Watch What You Say- Yes people love you! They simply can’t get enough off your bubbly personality, your trendy clothing and even though you hate to admit it the fact that you are the school’s verbal social blogger. You always seem to have the newest gossip before anybody knows. Now, as you might think that what you are spitting out can be backed up by the Encyclopedia in all actuality, you may be the cause of the problem. As much as this may be hard to swallow people who continually spread information about other people’s lives often do not have a life of their own and are not focusing on themselves enough. True statement.

Like Wildfire-In most cases people who want personal information to spread, they will ultimately share it with other people themselves.  The fact that someone came to you in private and shared information with you means that they trust you. Trust is a hard trait to gain, so don’t take it so lightly.  If they ask for you not to spread it, you should respect them and your friendship enough to not continue to pass on rumors.

Goes Around, Comes Around- “What goes around, comes around,” right? Right! Not trying to simply scare you but you must understand that  life is a cycle. Which means whatever you put out in the world is what you will get back in your own life. So to break it down, if your are the rumor queen of your clique or school, do you not think that soon enough there is going to be a rumor spread about you pretty soon?? As basic as it might seem it’s important to treat others  how you want to be treated. You would hate for the school to think you made out or even slept with a your guy friend, especially if it’s not true right??

Just always think twice before you deem yourself a “Gossip Girl.” You are too fly to be caught up in everybody’s world except your own

- C.O.R.E Family

“Everybody Shut Up and Listen!” is probably a phrase that pops in your head more often than it should. Between parents, teachers, friends, boyfriend, coaches & guidance counselors you sometimes can’t even navigate to your OWN thoughts. Being a FLY teenage girl definitely has its pressures and everyone around does not mind voicing them. In most cases the people surrounding you are trying to give you positive feedback and just advise you what they THINK is best for you. In other cases, people around you sometimes may be spitting out negativity in order to throw you off your path. In both situations sometimes you really just want everybody to just sit back and listen to YOUR thoughts and ideas!

It sucks sometimes and is really unfair how the world views teens and especially girls. It oftentimes feel as if your opinion means absolutely nothing to anyone. Adults seem to half way pay attention when you speak out and give your two cents in a situation that is even dealing with your personal life. From the school you should attend to the friends you should surround yourself with to the career path you want to go down, the one person that seems to have the least amount of say in your life is you.

So I guess at the end of the day your opinion just does not matter, Right?? WRONG! You have amazing ideas, dreams and goals just like everybody else but the trick is learning how to voice them for them to hear. Voicing them necessarily does not mean saying them or even trying to scream over others to prove your point. The phrase “Actions speak louder than words,” does have some truth in it! If you feel if your thoughts and voice are being drown out, then it’s time to speak with a little more action. Let’s say your parents want you to study Business but your love is Art, it’s time for you to grab some paint brushes and canvases and get to work! If you want to start an organization or a club at your school, start rallying people up and making it happen. You would be surprised how many people will pause and actually take the time to pay attention and begin truly listening after a little action. Sometimes it’s just the fact of grabbing their attention.

“Be the CHANGE you want to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi

Miracles & Blessings,

C.O.R.E Family