All Baggage Ain’t Bad!

You loved him. I mean for real for real loved him. You knew you were going to be together forever. Your relationship was perfect….until it wasn’t. Somewhere along the way things started to go south. He didn’t call as much. The arguments became more frequent. Then you started not to care that he didn’t call as much. Slowly but surely, your perfect relationship started to unravel. Your perfect boyfriend showed himself to be not so perfect or maybe just not so perfect for you. Whatever the case may be, you’ve moved on. You’re with a new guy, and you know that this time is going to be different. This time is going to be better. If you’re going about this relationship thing the right way, it probably will be.

What do I mean by the right way? I’m saying that you should learn something from every relationship that you’re in. If things don’t work out, you don’t have to walk away empty-handed. You should be able to take the experience with you. Even he turned out not to be your Prince Charming, maybe he brought something to the table that you realize is now a requirement for every other person that you date. Or it could be the other way around. Maybe he did something that you know you will not tolerate going forward. In addition to learning about your likes and dislikes as far as a mate is concerned, you should also learn things about yourself. Do you have a habit that was a deal-breaker for your ex? Are you happy with the way you carried yourself throughout the relationship? Did you make compromises that you shouldn’t have? What did you do that was positive? How will you make sure that you do more of that in the future? These are all questions that you should ask yourself after a breakup. That way you will be able to take all of this knowledge into your next relationship and make it that much better.

Now, you’ve got a new love. He’s everything that you hoped for. You’re everything that he’s ever wanted. But did you remember to bring along your bags? I’m not talking about the pain you felt from the breakup. Nor am I referring to the distrust that you have for your ex that you’re projecting onto all guys. No, that’s bad baggage. That’s stuff that should be resolved during your time between relationships, stuff that you should leave in the past as you take time to heal. I’m asking did you remember to bring along your good baggage – all of the things that you learned about yourself and what you expect from others. If you remember to bring along that baggage, and actually use the tools found within those bags, your new relationship will be better than your last.
There are two things that I want you to take from this:

1. The end of your relationship is not the end of the world. I can understand that you’re disappointed that things didn’t work out, but you have to keep moving forward. Take all of the time that you need to work through your feelings and deal with whatever pain you may have. Then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and look forward to the good things to come.
2. Make sure that you evaluate your past relationship so that you can make your next one even better. Figure out what worked and what didn’t. Accept responsibility for your part in its failure. Learn to forgive yourself and others for the mistakes that were made, and carry all of those lessons with you. And please don’t forget your good baggage!

• Tiffany Vicks