Okay say calm, don’t freak out and most important do not tumble down these stairs. You’re good, just be yourself and don’t over think the situation. Wait, did I spill something on my shirt earlier. Ugh! I hope he doesn’t notice! Ok, ok here he comes! Wait do I look? I don’t want to stare! Oh he’s gorgeous! Oh my goodness he’s looking! He’s looking! What do I do?? Dang! I knew it was a step there!Nooo! Now, he’s going to think I’m the weird girl who can’t walk down a flight of stairs. My life is over!’
Yes, these are all the dramatic thoughts that popped in your head 2.5 seconds before you turned the corner to walk by your crush. For the past 2 months you have been relating every love song on the radio to him and your guys “future” relationship. Now you’re tired of just imagining the first conversation you will have with him, the first laugh you, or even the first kiss. To be honest you’re not even sure how much you even like him since you guys never officially exchanged words but long glances instead.
Here are few ways to catch the eye of your secret crush…
Kick Up the Confidence– You’re smart, beautiful, talented, hilarious, ambitious ….yes the list can continue to unfold. The problem isn’t that you don’t know how fly you are it’s just when you see your crush you start to question all your great traits. Well, it’s time to throw those insecurities out the door…for good! Just because you see someone you may be interested in that doesn’t mean that your characteristics vanish. Actually it’s time to embrace your qualities even more. Once you begin noticing everything you have to offer, your nervousness will go out the window. You’ll realize that he should want to get to know you better!
Laugh It Up!– Your life is already stressful enough, do not add your crush to the list of things that keep you from getting 8 hours of sleep at night. The experience of crushing and attracting people is a fun experience. Not only guys but people are just naturally attracted to people who enjoy to have fun and are not afraid to be themselves. Once you get all the extra nervous jitters out of your system and your natural fun personality come through, you will start to see a major difference in all who you attract.
Brains Over Beauty– Yeah, I get it. All the rules tell you to bat your eyes, switch your hips, and make sure your face of makeup is perfect to get a guy. Hmmm Toss it! Yes guys do notice your appearance but you’re already beautiful so what’s next?? If you’re truly interested in catching the guy you like stop looking at him as a guy and look at him as a person. In this case you will be able to talk to him like a friend and have a chance for you guys to truly like each other as a whole. They’re tons of fly girls but only few have a fly attitude to go along with it.
So go ahead and catch the eye of that special guy, I’m sure it will turn the other way soon.
Oh, how love is in the air! Hugs, kisses, chocolates, bears and the oh so sweet surprise gifts that Valentine’s Day brings! So it’s great if your boyfriend or girlfriend showers you with gifts but let’s be honest who doesn’t love to spoil themselves a little bit, too? No matter if you’re boo’d up with your love or kicking it with your girlfriends, it’s all about showering love on yourself and we’re going to show you exactly how to do it
Let’s get started…
Treat Yourself! – From classes to college applications to the parentals, you barely have time exhale. We get it. Being a student is exhausting…seriously. Sooo it’s time to schedule some well needed ‘me-time’ this semester. We’re not encouraging you to blow your entire allowance BUT we are saying treat yourself to something you love. A cute top, an eye catching nail polish, or just time away from everybody without feeling guilty! It’s your world and you deserve a prize every now and then!
Playlist Party! Feeling yourself? Well, make a playlist that shows it! Create a playlist with all the songs that makes you feel like Beyonce, Michelle Obama + Naomi Campbell all in one. Crank up the volume, lock the door and have your own personal music video in your room. Yes, you’re the star of this party so you have to kill each move.
Dress to Impress- Here at C.O.R.E Mag we’re HUGE believers that it’s all about your beauty shining from the inside out! So if you don’t have a beautiful or kind soul you’ll never a have true outer beauty. Now, since that’s clear….it’s time to dress up how beautiful your personality is to the world. Have fun with your style + appreciate your creativity + beauty! One quote will wrap this whole idea up—–> “Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak’ . -Rachel Zoe
Sooo say it loud & proud!
Give IT away- Ok, so this post is all about showing yourself some love but the best way to receive love is when you give it away! Yes, what you put out in the universe is what you get back in return. So share your appreciation to your besties and fam members! It’s the start button to feeling the love.
Pucker Up + Say It! – You are the first person to hear your own words. That’s deep, right? Ok, so we’ve just dropped a little knowledge your way it’s time to head to the mirror, pucker up (we know you’ve perfected this with all your kissy face selfies for Instagram) + say I LOVE YOU to yourself! Ok, now do it again, again, again and every morning that you wake up! Love every inch of yourself + let it shine bright! *KISSES*
This morning I was listening to The Breakfast Club and they posed the question: is once a ho always a ho a true statement? They took calls on the topic and it sounded like the audience was pretty split on the issue. I am, too. I’m not torn due to not knowing if someone can change their behavior, but more so because I don’t know if a person can change their reputation. So my answer depends a lot on if we’re just talking about a reputation or a person’s actions.
If this is purely about actions then I absolutely believe that a person can change. People do it all the time. Anyone can have an epiphany that leads them down a different path.
The problem is that just because you have new actions you may not get a new reputation to match- at least not right away. People are very critical of one another, and they won’t easily forget any indiscretions. Sometimes they will hold onto them and bring them up months or even years later. So even if the girl’s actions are no longer ho-ish she may have an extremely hard time changing her reputation.
The good thing is that as we adopt better habits and stick to them, people will begin to associate those things with us. So even if you don’t have a brand new rep you can at least update the old one with some good characteristics.
The moral of the story? Try not to do things that you aren’t proud of because they have a tendency to follow you. Whenever I hear people bring up things that I’ve done that embarrass me, I think of it as something that I probably shouldn’t have done. The flip side to this is also remembering not to put too much stock in what people think of you or say about you because some of them will find fault in anything that you do. Once a ho, always a ho? Maybe, maybe not. But don’t gamble with your reputation for the sake of finding out.
It seems like most people think that they are good listeners. I know I do, but if I’m completely honest, I also know that when I’m angry I suck at listening. A lot of times I may talk over people or listen to what they say but instead of trying to understand and digest what they’re saying, I’m actually just thinking of what I’m going to say in response. When in a relationship, it’s a certainty that your mate will upset you and some form of conflict may ensue. It may be a calm discussion, a heated argument or a spirited debate, but either way both of you are going to need to be able to listen in order to come to a meaningful resolution. So, my piece of advice to you is to shut up and listen – REALLY listen.
My two main issues are talking over people and making a mental list of my rebuttal to every point they make. Both of these things make me a bad listener because neither allows me to actually hear what they’re saying. Of course I hear them talking, but I’m not really putting an effort into taking in what they’re trying to tell me. That makes it more difficult to find common ground, which is the whole point of a meaningful argument in the first place. So the next time you find yourself having a disagreement, try to put your agenda on hold for a minute and make an honest effort at trying to understand what the person is trying to tell you. If you’re used to flying off the handle all of the time, you may find this a little difficult at first, but keep trying. Really listening, and doing it consistently, will help you resolve conflicts faster and may help you better understand the people with whom you’re arguing. So the next time you’re in the middle of a debate and you feel yourself about to go off, shut up, calm your nerves, check your emotions and listen to what the other person is trying to say. It’s worth it.
There’s an old saying that goes: “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” Today, we’re going to explore why that’s largely a true statement, and see what characteristics determine to which category people belong. As a disclaimer, let me say that I know that you all are young and being a wife isn’t at the top of your to-do list right now, but, I also don’t think any of you are jumping at the chance to be considered a ho. Now, let’s get started.
What makes a ho a ho?
Contrary to popular belief, a girl/woman isn’t considered a ho simply because she’s messed around with a lot of guys. That’s a contributing factor, but it’s definitely not the only factor. Some of you may even know someone who people consider promiscuous who isn’t even messing around like that. So, how is it that someone who doesn’t really mess with a lot of guys be considered a ho? It’s because she carries herself like one.
How do hos carry themselves?
Oh honey, you already know the answer to this question. All you need to do is log onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or YouTube and you will see examples EVERYWHERE. How many status updates have you seen that are just trifling? How many twerk videos have been posted for the world to see? It’s not just on the internet, though. You can walk down the street and see the tale-tell signs. What’s your first thought when you see the girl in skimpy clothing that shows more than it covers? What about the one who is ALWAYS finding her way to a group of guys just to have a less-than-respectable conversation with ALL of them. ALL was a key word in that last sentence because it’s going to take us to our next category. What makes any girl think that flirting (or doing more) with an entire group of guys is okay? It’s because she has a ho mentality.
What is a ho mentality?
It’s the way of thinking that leads women to do the things that I described above. They don’t think like a woman with class. Therefore, they don’t act like a woman with class. Even worse, they may actually think like a woman with class but choose to act otherwise just to get male attention. Either way, through their actions, they are telling the world to treat them a certain way, and please believe me when I tell you that the boys/men in their lives are treating them accordingly. To be honest, I don’t know the ins and outs of their mentality, but I do know the major flaw in it. That type of mentality is one that tells them that when it comes to getting a man that they should lead with their bodies.
What makes a housewife a housewife?
In more general terms, what are the characteristics of a girl whom a guy will consider dating seriously/making a commitment to? This song does a pretty good job of describing that type of girl:
Okay, let’s go through some of those lyrics to see what type of woman dead prez described.
I don’t want nobody who can’t get up on my level/who can’t overstand my rebel soul…. I think she want me/school me/jewel me/feed me wisdom/drop it on me – This says to me that this man doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t keep up with him intellectually. It also sounds like he’s interested in someone who can listen well enough to get to know him and understand and accept who he is. I think that makes sense. As women, we all want to feel like we have someone that we can talk to and who understands us. Why would we expect it to be any different for men? In addition to being able to keep up with him intellectually, he described a woman who can introduce him to new things.
Got no time for dumbing down/her brilliance keep coming out…. She ain’t ashamed of her nerd side/Her body and her mind fine – The woman that’s described here is not only intelligent, but she’s also comfortable with that intelligence. She doesn’t try to dumb herself down or act ditzy in an effort to attract a guy or make those around her feel more comfortable. She is also beautiful mentally and physically.
Look inside her beautiful mind/fly design/watch her shine/fine wine/better with time…. She’s so wise/thick in the thighs/politicized/beautiful eyes/ambitious/so delicious/motivated, oh baby, analytical/critical thinker – They aren’t just talking about her intellectual prowess. They show a man who is appreciating the physical as well as mental beauty of a woman. Guys love to marvel at girls who are beautiful, but when they are in it for more than just the physical, they will marvel at your mental assets, too.
A lot of these beautiful girls be freaks but weak in the mind/ Hers is strong. – Now, this is a big one. This speaks to your boundaries. How far are you willing to go to get the guy you want? Are you willing to compromise your morals and values just because he asks you to and you don’t want to say no? There are girls out here playing themselves because they think giving in to someone’s every desire makes them desirable. It may make them desirable, but not for the right reasons. Most of those girls are viewed as temporary solutions and are not a permanent fixture in a guy’s life. These few lines are describing someone who values herself and holds fast to her boundaries. Having boundaries and not crossing them for anyone will earn you respect. Being respected is much more valuable than just being lusted after.
Why can’t you turn a ho into a housewife?
She doesn’t have the right mentality. She acts like the best of what she has to offer is what’s under her clothes. She’s not thinking like a woman who knows that her best asset is her mind. One of the characteristics of a good wife is the ability to help a man build a life. When working as a team to build anything, you have to bring intellect, wisdom, cooperation, and respect to the table. To be considered for a wife position, you have to lead with those things. A woman has to have a certain type of mentality to make that possible, and a ho mentality just doesn’t fit the bill. Therefore, even long before a guy is ready to settle down and get married, you will find that he still categorizes the women he interacts with. He’s not going to try to have anything significant with a girl that he sees as a ho because he knows that she’s not thinking like someone that he can have a real future with, and she probably doesn’t carry herself like someone that he will be proud to have on his arm. Hos are usually dealt with in the dark. Strive to be the type of woman who walks in the light.
If your boyfriend is horrible, it’s probably all your fault. Now that I’ve put that out there, let’s qualify what it means to be a horrible boyfriend. If he cheats on you, lies to you, disrespects you, continuously takes you for granted, or just completely fails at being anything close to the boyfriend that you actually want, he’s most likely a horrible boyfriend. So, like I said before, if you have a horrible boyfriend, I’m willing to bet that it’s all your fault. Is it your fault that he’s dishonest enough to cheat? No. Is it your fault that he doesn’t respect or appreciate you? No. Is it your fault that he’s just not even in the same ballpark as the type of person that you think of when you think of the ideal boyfriend? Of course not. Is it your fault that he’s YOUR boyfriend? YES!!!
In our society, it’s common practice to discuss – extensively – the shortcomings of men, especially when it comes to relationships. Sayings like “All men are dogs” are common place. It’s such a norm that when I typed “all men” in the Google search bar, some of the suggested searches were “all men cheat” and “all men are liars”. I hope that I don’t have to tell you that this isn’t true, but just in case let me be clear. IT’S NOT TRUE. There are definitely plenty of good guys in the world, but because a lot of us have had some unpleasant experiences, the good get lumped together with the bad, and women get to dodge all responsibility in picking a mate.
As young women, you’re just starting to enter the world of dating, and some of you may be considering entering a steady relationship with someone. I want to give you a little piece of reality that so many women – young and old – seem not to have. If a guy shows you exactly who he is and/or tells you exactly what he wants and those things don’t correspond to what you want and you choose to be in a relationship with him anyway, it is absolutely your fault that you are unhappy in your situation. Let’s go over a couple of examples where this rule applies.
Example #1: You want a boyfriend, someone to be committed to only you and you’re dating a guy who says that he’s not ready to settle down. Instead of accepting what he said and moving on or continuing to date him casually, you decide to try to wear him down until he commits to you. Finally, he says he’ll be your man, but you later find out he’s cheating on you. The hurt you experience will be partially your fault. True, he shouldn’t have agreed to do something he really didn’t want to do, i.e. be in a relationship, but you shouldn’t have tried to change him into what you wanted instead of just waiting until a guy who wanted the same things you do came along.
Example #2: You’re dating a guy, and he is saying all of the right things. He’s charming, funny, and down to earth. You guys have a great time when you’re together, but sometimes when you ask him a question, you get the feeling that he’s lying. You ignore the feeling and keep kicking it with him. Eventually, you catch him in a lie, but you forgive him and continue to hang out. Soon, you know that he’s constantly lying to you. Now you’re angry and feeling betrayed, but isn’t it your fault that you’re in so deep when you knew you were being played? Yep. It sure is. If your intuition says that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it, especially if it keeps happening. Tell your dude how you’re feeling, and see what happens. If his shady behavior continues, why would you keep subjecting yourself to it?
We often settle for people who aren’t good for us because we don’t want to be alone or we feel like they’re the best we can do. When they hurt us or disappoint us, we often put all of the blame on them. Of course they are responsible for their actions, but so are you. If you choose to spend your time and give your affection to someone who is mean, selfish or dishonest, how can it be that they shoulder all of the blame for your hurt feelings? You’re the one who chose to put yourself in that situation. This piece isn’t about fussing at you or chastising you. What I want you to take from this is that you are in control of your life. Take some responsibility for yourself! When things go bad, don’t just put the blame off on someone else. You make your own decisions, so when it comes to your mate, CHOOSE WISELY. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.
I’m not one of those people who is always in and out of relationships, but when I am in one I try to make it work. Oftentimes, making a relationship work requires some hard work by the individuals in it. Being selfless by compromising and remembering to have the other person’s best interests at heart can sometimes be hard to do. Choosing to tell the hard truth instead of the easy lie can also be a tough task, but maintaining open and honest communication is paramount in making a relationship work. All of those things can be difficult, but what I have the most trouble with is deciding when the relationship is no longer worth the trouble of trying to make it work.
I know that I write these articles to give you advice based on my experiences, but the best advice that I can give you in this situation is that no one else can really tell you when to tap out of your relationship. They can’t tell you because they don’t know your situation like you do. Figuring out when to walk away from someone you care about means deciding when the rewards are no longer worth the effort required, and an outside party isn’t really qualified to make that decision for you. What friends and family will be able tell you are the changes they see in you that may be due to your relationship. When you’re all in love and everything is great, people can see it. The same goes for when things are stressful and tense, so if someone that knows you well mentions that you seem a little off your game, you should take note. You should also pay attention to how you feel about your relationship. If you feel optimistic about things in spite of any problems that the two of you are having, chances are there is still a possibility that things can work. On the other hand, if every time you even think about your partner you just feel exhausted, or you don’t want to tell them things because you know it will cause a huge fight, things may be heading south. Another important piece of the puzzle is understanding how your mate feels about you and what you have together. It doesn’t matter how committed you may be to working things out, if he doesn’t feel the same, you’re just wasting your time.
The most important thing that you need to remember when pondering the fate of your relationship is that there will be good times and bad time. Through it all you should feel like you aren’t in it alone, you aren’t fighting for it by yourself, and no matter what, you know that things will get better between you. If those things aren’t true, you may be reaching the point where trying to salvage things isn’t worth the effort. If and when you get to that point, you’ve got to be willing to walk away and know that you did the right thing.
You loved him. I mean for real for real loved him. You knew you were going to be together forever. Your relationship was perfect….until it wasn’t. Somewhere along the way things started to go south. He didn’t call as much. The arguments became more frequent. Then you started not to care that he didn’t call as much. Slowly but surely, your perfect relationship started to unravel. Your perfect boyfriend showed himself to be not so perfect or maybe just not so perfect for you. Whatever the case may be, you’ve moved on. You’re with a new guy, and you know that this time is going to be different. This time is going to be better. If you’re going about this relationship thing the right way, it probably will be.
What do I mean by the right way? I’m saying that you should learn something from every relationship that you’re in. If things don’t work out, you don’t have to walk away empty-handed. You should be able to take the experience with you. Even he turned out not to be your Prince Charming, maybe he brought something to the table that you realize is now a requirement for every other person that you date. Or it could be the other way around. Maybe he did something that you know you will not tolerate going forward. In addition to learning about your likes and dislikes as far as a mate is concerned, you should also learn things about yourself. Do you have a habit that was a deal-breaker for your ex? Are you happy with the way you carried yourself throughout the relationship? Did you make compromises that you shouldn’t have? What did you do that was positive? How will you make sure that you do more of that in the future? These are all questions that you should ask yourself after a breakup. That way you will be able to take all of this knowledge into your next relationship and make it that much better.
Now, you’ve got a new love. He’s everything that you hoped for. You’re everything that he’s ever wanted. But did you remember to bring along your bags? I’m not talking about the pain you felt from the breakup. Nor am I referring to the distrust that you have for your ex that you’re projecting onto all guys. No, that’s bad baggage. That’s stuff that should be resolved during your time between relationships, stuff that you should leave in the past as you take time to heal. I’m asking did you remember to bring along your good baggage – all of the things that you learned about yourself and what you expect from others. If you remember to bring along that baggage, and actually use the tools found within those bags, your new relationship will be better than your last.
There are two things that I want you to take from this:
The end of your relationship is not the end of the world. I can understand that you’re disappointed that things didn’t work out, but you have to keep moving forward. Take all of the time that you need to work through your feelings and deal with whatever pain you may have. Then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and look forward to the good things to come.
Make sure that you evaluate your past relationship so that you can make your next one even better. Figure out what worked and what didn’t. Accept responsibility for your part in its failure. Learn to forgive yourself and others for the mistakes that were made, and carry all of those lessons with you. And please don’t forget your good baggage!