Women are infamous for having “girl talk”. We meet for lunch in the cafeteria, we stroll around the mall shopping, we have study groups for finals, and we even host movie nights. One thing is certain: when girls are gathered, there will be chatter. Let’s be honest though, the topic often becomes boys. I don’t know why, but we love to talk about men to other women. We love to give each other advice on men. Let me pose this question: Who knows more about how a male thinks better than another male? There are some definite benefits to having male friends ladies and this is a source many of us leave untapped. Here’s a few obvious and not so obvious:
-Talking to males will help you realize what types of things men are interested in discussing. A short conversation with a guy friend about what football teams are doing well this season or what new movie men are buzzing about can give you the “inside scoop” and provide you with conversation starters. The next time you walk by “irresistible” Jason’s locker you can stop and say…”I see you have on that Steelers jersey, they had a great game Sunday night, right?”
-Your girls are quick to give you advice on how to handle any situation with guys, but here’s a secret: Male and female minds don’t often think alike. I will sometimes run a dating situation by my male and female friends and get two completely different reactions. Males understand the emotions and behavior of each other better than we ever could so feel free to ask your guy friends to explain and offer their advice.
-You will never have any leftover food again; say hello to your new garbage disposal! Boys are always hungry. Feel free to test a new recipe you’re learning on one of your guys and then give him the trash to take out if it doesn’t work so well.
-Have no date for tomorrow’s Spring dance and neither does he? Who else would you have more fun with than a close friend? You’ve just found yourself a date sister and a night of fun with no pressure.
-Your male friends often know the guys you’re interested in dating. They can often steer you away from the players who have a new girlfriend every week and suggest another guy he knows will treat you with the respect you deserve.
-Lastly, they’re just fun! Men have a tendency to focus less on drama and just enjoy a good, carefree time. When you’ve had a long, stressful week there is nothing that can cheer you up quicker than just kicking it with the fellas.
There’s an old saying that goes: “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” Today, we’re going to explore why that’s largely a true statement, and see what characteristics determine to which category people belong. As a disclaimer, let me say that I know that you all are young and being a wife isn’t at the top of your to-do list right now, but, I also don’t think any of you are jumping at the chance to be considered a ho. Now, let’s get started.
What makes a ho a ho?
Contrary to popular belief, a girl/woman isn’t considered a ho simply because she’s messed around with a lot of guys. That’s a contributing factor, but it’s definitely not the only factor. Some of you may even know someone who people consider promiscuous who isn’t even messing around like that. So, how is it that someone who doesn’t really mess with a lot of guys be considered a ho? It’s because she carries herself like one.
How do hos carry themselves?
Oh honey, you already know the answer to this question. All you need to do is log onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or YouTube and you will see examples EVERYWHERE. How many status updates have you seen that are just trifling? How many twerk videos have been posted for the world to see? It’s not just on the internet, though. You can walk down the street and see the tale-tell signs. What’s your first thought when you see the girl in skimpy clothing that shows more than it covers? What about the one who is ALWAYS finding her way to a group of guys just to have a less-than-respectable conversation with ALL of them. ALL was a key word in that last sentence because it’s going to take us to our next category. What makes any girl think that flirting (or doing more) with an entire group of guys is okay? It’s because she has a ho mentality.
What is a ho mentality?
It’s the way of thinking that leads women to do the things that I described above. They don’t think like a woman with class. Therefore, they don’t act like a woman with class. Even worse, they may actually think like a woman with class but choose to act otherwise just to get male attention. Either way, through their actions, they are telling the world to treat them a certain way, and please believe me when I tell you that the boys/men in their lives are treating them accordingly. To be honest, I don’t know the ins and outs of their mentality, but I do know the major flaw in it. That type of mentality is one that tells them that when it comes to getting a man that they should lead with their bodies.
What makes a housewife a housewife?
In more general terms, what are the characteristics of a girl whom a guy will consider dating seriously/making a commitment to? This song does a pretty good job of describing that type of girl:
Okay, let’s go through some of those lyrics to see what type of woman dead prez described.
I don’t want nobody who can’t get up on my level/who can’t overstand my rebel soul…. I think she want me/school me/jewel me/feed me wisdom/drop it on me – This says to me that this man doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t keep up with him intellectually. It also sounds like he’s interested in someone who can listen well enough to get to know him and understand and accept who he is. I think that makes sense. As women, we all want to feel like we have someone that we can talk to and who understands us. Why would we expect it to be any different for men? In addition to being able to keep up with him intellectually, he described a woman who can introduce him to new things.
Got no time for dumbing down/her brilliance keep coming out…. She ain’t ashamed of her nerd side/Her body and her mind fine – The woman that’s described here is not only intelligent, but she’s also comfortable with that intelligence. She doesn’t try to dumb herself down or act ditzy in an effort to attract a guy or make those around her feel more comfortable. She is also beautiful mentally and physically.
Look inside her beautiful mind/fly design/watch her shine/fine wine/better with time…. She’s so wise/thick in the thighs/politicized/beautiful eyes/ambitious/so delicious/motivated, oh baby, analytical/critical thinker – They aren’t just talking about her intellectual prowess. They show a man who is appreciating the physical as well as mental beauty of a woman. Guys love to marvel at girls who are beautiful, but when they are in it for more than just the physical, they will marvel at your mental assets, too.
A lot of these beautiful girls be freaks but weak in the mind/ Hers is strong. – Now, this is a big one. This speaks to your boundaries. How far are you willing to go to get the guy you want? Are you willing to compromise your morals and values just because he asks you to and you don’t want to say no? There are girls out here playing themselves because they think giving in to someone’s every desire makes them desirable. It may make them desirable, but not for the right reasons. Most of those girls are viewed as temporary solutions and are not a permanent fixture in a guy’s life. These few lines are describing someone who values herself and holds fast to her boundaries. Having boundaries and not crossing them for anyone will earn you respect. Being respected is much more valuable than just being lusted after.
Why can’t you turn a ho into a housewife?
She doesn’t have the right mentality. She acts like the best of what she has to offer is what’s under her clothes. She’s not thinking like a woman who knows that her best asset is her mind. One of the characteristics of a good wife is the ability to help a man build a life. When working as a team to build anything, you have to bring intellect, wisdom, cooperation, and respect to the table. To be considered for a wife position, you have to lead with those things. A woman has to have a certain type of mentality to make that possible, and a ho mentality just doesn’t fit the bill. Therefore, even long before a guy is ready to settle down and get married, you will find that he still categorizes the women he interacts with. He’s not going to try to have anything significant with a girl that he sees as a ho because he knows that she’s not thinking like someone that he can have a real future with, and she probably doesn’t carry herself like someone that he will be proud to have on his arm. Hos are usually dealt with in the dark. Strive to be the type of woman who walks in the light.
If your boyfriend is horrible, it’s probably all your fault. Now that I’ve put that out there, let’s qualify what it means to be a horrible boyfriend. If he cheats on you, lies to you, disrespects you, continuously takes you for granted, or just completely fails at being anything close to the boyfriend that you actually want, he’s most likely a horrible boyfriend. So, like I said before, if you have a horrible boyfriend, I’m willing to bet that it’s all your fault. Is it your fault that he’s dishonest enough to cheat? No. Is it your fault that he doesn’t respect or appreciate you? No. Is it your fault that he’s just not even in the same ballpark as the type of person that you think of when you think of the ideal boyfriend? Of course not. Is it your fault that he’s YOUR boyfriend? YES!!!
In our society, it’s common practice to discuss – extensively – the shortcomings of men, especially when it comes to relationships. Sayings like “All men are dogs” are common place. It’s such a norm that when I typed “all men” in the Google search bar, some of the suggested searches were “all men cheat” and “all men are liars”. I hope that I don’t have to tell you that this isn’t true, but just in case let me be clear. IT’S NOT TRUE. There are definitely plenty of good guys in the world, but because a lot of us have had some unpleasant experiences, the good get lumped together with the bad, and women get to dodge all responsibility in picking a mate.
As young women, you’re just starting to enter the world of dating, and some of you may be considering entering a steady relationship with someone. I want to give you a little piece of reality that so many women – young and old – seem not to have. If a guy shows you exactly who he is and/or tells you exactly what he wants and those things don’t correspond to what you want and you choose to be in a relationship with him anyway, it is absolutely your fault that you are unhappy in your situation. Let’s go over a couple of examples where this rule applies.
Example #1: You want a boyfriend, someone to be committed to only you and you’re dating a guy who says that he’s not ready to settle down. Instead of accepting what he said and moving on or continuing to date him casually, you decide to try to wear him down until he commits to you. Finally, he says he’ll be your man, but you later find out he’s cheating on you. The hurt you experience will be partially your fault. True, he shouldn’t have agreed to do something he really didn’t want to do, i.e. be in a relationship, but you shouldn’t have tried to change him into what you wanted instead of just waiting until a guy who wanted the same things you do came along.
Example #2: You’re dating a guy, and he is saying all of the right things. He’s charming, funny, and down to earth. You guys have a great time when you’re together, but sometimes when you ask him a question, you get the feeling that he’s lying. You ignore the feeling and keep kicking it with him. Eventually, you catch him in a lie, but you forgive him and continue to hang out. Soon, you know that he’s constantly lying to you. Now you’re angry and feeling betrayed, but isn’t it your fault that you’re in so deep when you knew you were being played? Yep. It sure is. If your intuition says that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it, especially if it keeps happening. Tell your dude how you’re feeling, and see what happens. If his shady behavior continues, why would you keep subjecting yourself to it?
We often settle for people who aren’t good for us because we don’t want to be alone or we feel like they’re the best we can do. When they hurt us or disappoint us, we often put all of the blame on them. Of course they are responsible for their actions, but so are you. If you choose to spend your time and give your affection to someone who is mean, selfish or dishonest, how can it be that they shoulder all of the blame for your hurt feelings? You’re the one who chose to put yourself in that situation. This piece isn’t about fussing at you or chastising you. What I want you to take from this is that you are in control of your life. Take some responsibility for yourself! When things go bad, don’t just put the blame off on someone else. You make your own decisions, so when it comes to your mate, CHOOSE WISELY. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.
I’m not one of those people who is always in and out of relationships, but when I am in one I try to make it work. Oftentimes, making a relationship work requires some hard work by the individuals in it. Being selfless by compromising and remembering to have the other person’s best interests at heart can sometimes be hard to do. Choosing to tell the hard truth instead of the easy lie can also be a tough task, but maintaining open and honest communication is paramount in making a relationship work. All of those things can be difficult, but what I have the most trouble with is deciding when the relationship is no longer worth the trouble of trying to make it work.
I know that I write these articles to give you advice based on my experiences, but the best advice that I can give you in this situation is that no one else can really tell you when to tap out of your relationship. They can’t tell you because they don’t know your situation like you do. Figuring out when to walk away from someone you care about means deciding when the rewards are no longer worth the effort required, and an outside party isn’t really qualified to make that decision for you. What friends and family will be able tell you are the changes they see in you that may be due to your relationship. When you’re all in love and everything is great, people can see it. The same goes for when things are stressful and tense, so if someone that knows you well mentions that you seem a little off your game, you should take note. You should also pay attention to how you feel about your relationship. If you feel optimistic about things in spite of any problems that the two of you are having, chances are there is still a possibility that things can work. On the other hand, if every time you even think about your partner you just feel exhausted, or you don’t want to tell them things because you know it will cause a huge fight, things may be heading south. Another important piece of the puzzle is understanding how your mate feels about you and what you have together. It doesn’t matter how committed you may be to working things out, if he doesn’t feel the same, you’re just wasting your time.
The most important thing that you need to remember when pondering the fate of your relationship is that there will be good times and bad time. Through it all you should feel like you aren’t in it alone, you aren’t fighting for it by yourself, and no matter what, you know that things will get better between you. If those things aren’t true, you may be reaching the point where trying to salvage things isn’t worth the effort. If and when you get to that point, you’ve got to be willing to walk away and know that you did the right thing.
So…. The other day, I’m browsing CNN’s website when the title of this story catches my eye. It reads,
“Pimps hit social networks to recruit underage sex workers.” Seriously? You can become a prostitute
on Facebook?! Needless to say, I’m so intrigued by the headline that I have to read the story. The short
version is that pimps reach out to these teenage girls via Facebook and other social networks. They send
them a friend request and the girls accept it because they think “he’s cute.” That’s not the part that
surprised me. This is:
Facebook conversation between Rain Smith (pimp) and anonymous teen
Rain Smith: Heyy thanks for adding me your very pretty would you be interested in a job making
Jane Doe: What is it?
Rain Smith: I work with girls that dance nude do partys dates one on ones and more does any of
that interest you
Jane Doe: Lol, I would totally do that. But I’m only sixteen…Haha.
Rain Smith: Cool text me so we Can talk more I can help with the age thing
Jane Doe: If I’m only sixteen what would I do?
Rain Smith: We strip and more what are you willing to do
Jane Doe: Idk, where is all of this? Like, at a club?
Rain Smith: Clubs houses hotels text me its easyer that way
Jane Doe: Okay, my number is xxxxxxxx
I don’t know what you think about that conversation, but I find it VERY disturbing. I’m not sure what I
expected the pimp to say to coax the girl into turning her body into a commodity, but I didn’t expect it
to be as simple as, “Hi, I’m a pimp. Do you want to sell your body and let me keep most of the money?”
The only way that I can see this working or being even slightly appealing to a young woman is that she
has at least one of several things happening with her. I believe that someone so young willing to do
any of the things mentioned above has to be looking to feel like more of an adult and thinks of this as
making some sort of grown –up decision. She could be looking for love in the wrong places and sees this
as a way to get attention and eventually get the love and acceptance that she’s searching for. Maybe
she’s rebellious, and just wants to feel like she’s doing something that those who care about her (or
those that she wants to rebel against) wouldn’t want her to do. It could be that she’s just curious and
naïve. She’s curious about what the life that Rain described would be like and naïve to think that living
that life doesn’t come with a serious price. Or maybe it’s none of these things. Maybe she just wants to
make some money and sees this as a fast way of doing it. No matter what her motivation is, I believe the
fact that a young lady could be so easily intrigued by and possibly pulled into a life like this means that
in addition to her other motives, the main problem that she has is that she doesn’t value herself enough
to know that her body is worth more than any price tag any person tries to put on it. Unfortunately, all
of these things, everything that these girls are searching for, all of the voids that they’re trying to fill and
the lack of self-worth makes life not so hard for a pimp.
I don’t want any of you to fall victim to some madness like this. I know that a lot of you are saying that
this would never be you, and I believe that. But have you ever considered doing something that you
know you shouldn’t because a friend or boyfriend asked you to? No? Well maybe it wasn’t something
that you knew you shouldn’t do; maybe it was something that you just didn’t feel very comfortable
doing. My point is that it doesn’t have to be as extreme as sex trafficking. I’m really just talking about
compromising your morals and values simply because someone asked you to. If we are completely
honest with ourselves, I think that we will see that we have often already chosen the path that we are
willing walk. We are just waiting on someone to lead us down it. In this example it’s a pimp. In less
extreme cases it could be one of your best friends. The same things that drove those girls into a life of
renting their bodies out for some strange dude they met on the internet are the same things that will
make you do some of the stupid things that we all do when we’re growing up.
It’s okay to want love and attention or to be curious about certain things. It’s definitely okay to want to
make some extra paper. Just value yourself enough to know that you don’t obtain these things by any
means necessary. If you want love and attention, seek it at home first. If you aren’t getting it there, how
about reaching out to a trustworthy adult or a friend that you know you can trust? The reason you know
that you can trust these people is because they don’t ask you to do things that are wrong. They won’t
ask you to put yourself in compromising situations, and they won’t be looking to make a personal gain
from their interactions with you. Their love, time, respect, and attention won’t be earned through the
amount of things you do for them. It will be given to you because of who you are and the fact that they
appreciate you for being you.
As far as wanting to be rebellious or make adult decisions, I can understand that, too. When I was
in my teens, I couldn’t wait to grow up and have the freedom that adults enjoy. Here’s the thing,
though: Making adult decisions can lead to making adult mistakes, and adult mistakes come with adult
consequences. Look, I’m somewhat of a new adult. I’ve only been doing this whole adult thing for about
six and a half years, and I’ve already encountered a few adult consequences along the way. Trust me,
they aren’t pretty. Just take your time and grow up at the pace that you’re supposed to. Don’t rush it.
And while you’re growing, grow to love yourself more. Grow to value yourself and what you have to
offer to the world. If we all do those things, it will be a lot harder out here for a pimp.
You loved him. I mean for real for real loved him. You knew you were going to be together forever. Your relationship was perfect….until it wasn’t. Somewhere along the way things started to go south. He didn’t call as much. The arguments became more frequent. Then you started not to care that he didn’t call as much. Slowly but surely, your perfect relationship started to unravel. Your perfect boyfriend showed himself to be not so perfect or maybe just not so perfect for you. Whatever the case may be, you’ve moved on. You’re with a new guy, and you know that this time is going to be different. This time is going to be better. If you’re going about this relationship thing the right way, it probably will be.
What do I mean by the right way? I’m saying that you should learn something from every relationship that you’re in. If things don’t work out, you don’t have to walk away empty-handed. You should be able to take the experience with you. Even he turned out not to be your Prince Charming, maybe he brought something to the table that you realize is now a requirement for every other person that you date. Or it could be the other way around. Maybe he did something that you know you will not tolerate going forward. In addition to learning about your likes and dislikes as far as a mate is concerned, you should also learn things about yourself. Do you have a habit that was a deal-breaker for your ex? Are you happy with the way you carried yourself throughout the relationship? Did you make compromises that you shouldn’t have? What did you do that was positive? How will you make sure that you do more of that in the future? These are all questions that you should ask yourself after a breakup. That way you will be able to take all of this knowledge into your next relationship and make it that much better.
Now, you’ve got a new love. He’s everything that you hoped for. You’re everything that he’s ever wanted. But did you remember to bring along your bags? I’m not talking about the pain you felt from the breakup. Nor am I referring to the distrust that you have for your ex that you’re projecting onto all guys. No, that’s bad baggage. That’s stuff that should be resolved during your time between relationships, stuff that you should leave in the past as you take time to heal. I’m asking did you remember to bring along your good baggage – all of the things that you learned about yourself and what you expect from others. If you remember to bring along that baggage, and actually use the tools found within those bags, your new relationship will be better than your last.
There are two things that I want you to take from this:
The end of your relationship is not the end of the world. I can understand that you’re disappointed that things didn’t work out, but you have to keep moving forward. Take all of the time that you need to work through your feelings and deal with whatever pain you may have. Then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and look forward to the good things to come.
Make sure that you evaluate your past relationship so that you can make your next one even better. Figure out what worked and what didn’t. Accept responsibility for your part in its failure. Learn to forgive yourself and others for the mistakes that were made, and carry all of those lessons with you. And please don’t forget your good baggage!
So it came true! You never thought in a million years that your prince charming would arrive in the student center as you were leaving the cafeteria but he did! He not only crept over to you but also crept into your life as well. Now 3 months later you two are simply inseparable! You guys not only keep the title of “Cutest Couple In High School” but you guys prove it on a consistent basis. Holding hands and wearing matching jerseys are just a few ways you guys show off your “love” for one another to the world. In your mind he is perfect! He surprises you with flowers, he blows you kisses to you on the court, he meets you after every class, talks on the phone as soon as you leave the parking lot and even all his boys knows how much he is into you and the parentals even like him too!
So your question is so “What’s the problem??” The problem is even though you found a great guy you may be losing yourself in him. I know, I know that’s the absolute last thing you ever wanted to hear in life. Even when your friends hint the fact that you may be spending just little too much time with him, you automatically give them the “H-A-T-E-R” stamp and keep moving. Well before you get too carried away stamping the entire world here’s a couple reasons why you should give yourself a little breathing room.
“Me Time”- So having “me” time seems like it’s not an important task but in reality it’s the best gift you can give to yourself. I know your boyfriend is simply amazing but don’t get caught in the hype remember the reason why he was attracted to to you was that well you were simply… you! So continue to build yourself up as a person. It’s time to start figuring out what you like, what you don’t like, and all that in between. Remember if you do not fully love yourself, no one else will.
Sidetracked Goals- Making the varsity soccer team, being on honor roll, winning the state’s art competition are all different goals you might have. It’s not only important to set goals but to continuously achieve them. Not saying that your “perfect” boyfriend is a distraction but he could be pulling some time away that you need to invest in you. It’s all about balance. Just make sure yo have a set amount of time that you keep to focus on your goals and make sure that you stay focus.
Miss Me? -”Absence makes the heart grow fonder” not only sounds like a pretty statement but it’s true! When you stay focus and work on you, it makes you appreciate each other even more. He already thinks you’re an AMAZING person now so as you continue to focus on you he will appreciate every aspect of you. So maybe cutting back from 7 days of week to 5,might give you guys a brand new and refreshed outlook on each other.
“I like this one boy named Brandon in my 4th period class, but he loves my friend Keisha. So mostly every day he always tells me how much he loves her and how much he is jealous of Keisha’s boyfriend. Every day I see them hanging out with each other and him always flirting with her. It’s disgusting to see how head over heels he is over her.So I just walk away. They don’t know that I like Brandon. I haven’t told anyone that. So I don’t know what to do when I see them flirting. Should I tell him that I’m interested or tell my friend that I like him so she can back off so I can have him?? I mean she already has a boyfriend. I feel like I would be a better match for him anyways! Help!! What should I do?? “ Chantel, 15
Chantel, first I would like to say thank you for coming to C.O.R.E for your question and secondly, I am happy you did.
I can see you really like Brandon which is ok, but do you really want the situation to destroy your friendship?
Yes, we all have people we like and sometimes love from time to time but at what cost?
It’s very clear Brandon is extremely interested in your friend and there really isn’t too much you can do to change how he feels. Even if you tell Keisha you like him, it doesn’t necessarily mean he will like you back. There is the issue of the whole situation, you must consider how Brandon feels. You can not control how a person’s feels.
You also have to look at Brandon as a person. You say he flirts with Keisha all the time even though she is in a relationship. You have to ask yourself, what kind of young man are you attempting to involve yourself with? If he does not respect one relationship, do you really think he will respect another?
Also, please do not be upset with your friend. She is just accepting the attention that is given, even at the cost of her own relationship. Keisha is not asking for Brandon’s advances, as you stated before, he is really digging her. Additionally, she does not even know you like him, so please do not place your friend in a negative light.
I really hate to say this, but there isn’t too much you can do right now but to continue to keep quiet about the situation. It’s pretty clear he knows what he wants and like I said before, you can not change how a person feels.
In a world where friends, guys, and reality TV are constantly telling you how to act and live, it’s kind of hard to figure out how you want to rock out in life. Everyone has a certain image of how you should talk, dress, and act in life. It’s hard to even figure out what type of a person you want to be when you grow up. So here’s the thing, you must remember that the entire world is your playground for life and you can pick and choose what fab life you want to live. All you have to do is create your own steez!
Hush the Crowd- “Why would you do that? Are you really going to wear that? If I was you, I would do this instead.” Ok, so don’t you think it’s funny how some people always have something to say when it comes to living your life? Well even though it might be difficult at first but it’s time for you to silence the crowd and simply do you! Life is too
short to try to conform to the crowd to try to fit in, especially when you’re unhappy.
What You Leave Behind-Do you ever ask yourself how do you want to be remembered?? When you leave high school, college, or any stage in your life, how do you want to be known? As someone who spoke their mind, a genuine personality, the person who as fun no matter what the situation is? It’s important to figure out the qualities you want to ave as a person and ways to get better at them.
Love YOU- The most important factor in creating your own swag is to love yourself so much that you live- Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. I get it. There is a ton of pressure from everywhere but it’s ultimate your decision. Once you completely love yourself, the confidence to be you will soon follow. Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.
Q: “Ok, so I’m 16 and I can’t maintain a steady weight.I’m bigger than the rest of the girls in most of my classes. I try to workout and eat healthy but the weight isn’t going away fast enough! Every time I look in a magazine or reality show everybody has the perfect bodies which makes it hard for me. Boys always want to go after girls who look like that. It’s like I’m one big freak! Most guys won’t even look at me. Then I have friends who can get EVERY SINGLE GUY they look at, and those boys are normally the ones I have a crush on. Yup, my friends are gorgeous and I’m not!
The only thing I have going for me right now is my grades. Big whoop! I am the awkward girl who can pass everything and does math for fun. Meanwhile my older sister is perfect and been dating since 13!
Please, all I have ever wanted is a NORMAL teen life. All I want is for guys to like me. How do I get that to happen?? Will a guy ever like me?? Please Help! Lina 16
A: You a beautiful. You are beautiful.You are beautiful. If you don’t remember anything else I say to you, know that. I once walked in your shoes, so I totally understand your feelings. As women we all have our insecurities, and we always will because we are not perfect. It all comes down to knowing yourself as a woman, and knowing your strengths and weaknesses, we will talk more about this in a bit. The precious age of 16 is apart of your journey and not the final destination. We are the co- creators of our lives. You have the power to change anything in your life that you want, to m
ake whatever changes you deem necessary.
Your body is still in its growing stages and will more than likely change a few times. Keep exercising and eating right because those are the foundation of a healthy lifestyle and body. I know that you didn’t gain the weight overnight, so realistically you wont be able to lost the weight overnight. Keep this in the front of your mind. You have to give yourself time to shed the weight, don’t be so hard on yourself and tackle it a little bit at a time. Set small realistic goals for yourself, things that you can achieve. In this doing this, you will make improvements at a gradual pace and also have self-motivation to continue on.
You also need to use your power to define beauty for yourself. Set your on standards for your life. Only define your beauty by your own standards. Know that everything you see in magazines and on reality television is very rarely the truth. Those who are in magazines put in a lot of deliberate effort to appear “glamorous” or “perfect.” They have specific people on hand who get paid to make sure they “appear” a certain way. Several hours go into one shoot, often times an entire day and then a substantial hours go into editing and retouching the photos to further enhance the images. Women are undergoing surgery to have these bodies that you see, FEW of them are actually born like that.This is not reality and you shouldn’t compare yourself, who is a REAL person to UNREALISTIC expectations. Its not fair to you and will cripple you in the long run.
Men are “special” beings. This will make more sense to you as you get older. The boys your age are also in a growing phase in their lives as well, and are coming into their own as well. This is the first time that they are seeing women in a more physical way. Physical attraction to a young lady is new territory for them as well. Know that this will not always be the case, as they continue to grow their definition of beauty will also change. Continue to strive to get good grades and acquire as much knowledge as you can, as you get older you will see that a mature man will be more attracted to your mental and that you will be on another level of attraction. The physical body goes through many changes, and it not always guaranteed to look the same way, but one thing that no one can take from you is you intellect, so in the long run you will shine the brightest, men are so attracted to a woman who stimulates them intellectually.
In the meantime, you stay the course of eating right and working out and getting good grades, all this is preparation of the young lady you will become.