“Prove It!” The two word phrase we have all heard so many times from our homegirls and boyfriends. I get it. Especially as a teen, you feel as if you have to prove something to everyone around you. Around friends, family, and teachers, it is constant pressure to prove yourself to them that you’re qualified or good enough to do something. Ok, so I’m about to let you in  on a small life secret. Are you ready? Ok, here it goes… you do not have to prove anything to anyone except to yourself. Ok, so I know you’re still trying to take in what you just read BUT give me 2 seconds to explain why your opinion of yourself is the only one that truly matters.

YOU and only YOU- Ok, I know you have atleast 5 people at this very moment in your life pressuring  you in some sort of a way. From being pressured from your parents to make straight A’s to your boyfriend who’ wants to go past 1st base, in both situations you have to focus on yourself. Even if it’s positive like getting good grades, you should want to do well in school because you YOU want to be successful. Same goes for negative pressure. You are the only one who can decide your choices in life. Be empowered!

Insecurities, Much?- “So why don’t you do this instead?” “Why would you wear that?” “Well, I would have done this if I was you .” All of these comments are comments of …a hater. Yes, I know that word is overused but you have to be careful about people who question you more than they do themselves. In reality people who question you or put you down are truly insecure themselves and that has nothing to do with you.

Your Life, Your Path- The dope thing about life is that everyone can be successful on their own  individual path of life. The sad part is that many people get so caught up in someone else’s life that they miss the opportunity to be great in their life! The most important lesson to learn is that you live your life for yourself. Be inspired to be the best YOU that YOU can be.

Sometimes, no matter how long the pep-talk, confidence within a woman is the hardest thing to restore. Confidence is molded and built through people, places, and experiences. The wrong people, the wrong places, and the wrong circumstances in a series of unfortunate events can scar beautiful women like ourselves with negative, self-conscious images of our personalities and appearances; making us feel uneasy as if to have a lack of self security.

The women at Mount Holyoke College, like most women in progressive, intellectually driven, all-girls schools, are some of the most amazing young women you will ever meet. No matter how amazing and wonderful they all are, a lot of them still have many unreasonable insecurities.

The issue with the restoration of confidence is that the lack of self-assurance that has developed through relationships and experiences are way more than a mere friend can simply change. How many of us women have ever asked ourselves if someone was out of our league? Too good for us? Many girls feel this way because they are frightened or shaken by the fact that they will either be turned down or embarrassed by the one who they seek as a lover or a friend.

More times than not, a lover, family member, or friend has already shattered all the confidence this individual had stored. If friends (or “thought to be” friends) have a problem with the way you look, act, talk, carry yourself, how you’re dressed, and how you wear your hair, for example, you may alter your appearance and personality to fit those around you. This alternation can be a good or bad thing. Personally, as a young teenage woman of 14 years old, I was often criticized for my weirdness, individualism, and ways to make myself unique; I ended the friendship that was detrimental to my self-esteem and mental well being which has taught me to be confident to this very day.

After family, friends are the ones who you would like to gain approval from. A girl just wants to hear the positive feedback of someone she both admires and trust. When this is not given to us, we often stick around in these friendships that make us feel inadequate or forces us to be anything but our true selves.

GET OUT! The worst thing to do is to hide your identity: to cover yourself with this unauthentic exterior to please the ones around you. Dropping the wrong and reevaluating the right can be dramatic. Especially in high school and college when friends are basically all you’ve got. Getting over that one person who constantly makes you feel like a total loser is the BEST choice you will ever make. This action is the foundation for your confidence; knowing you are awesome without anyone’s approval! You are beautiful without anyone’s bad attitudes. You are sexy without anyone saying so.

Experience is the best teacher. Gaining respect for yourself and developing a sense of how you would like to be treated after these experiences with friends, will teach you how to become aware of anyone who doesn’t allow you to flourish and be the very best person who you already are.

Stay true to yourself.

Stay confident!

-Iyanna James-Stephenson

“I got a big egooooo, such a big egoooooo” I know we have all belted out those Beyonce lyrics atleast five times in the shower. Some of us sang it at the top of or lungs and others of us barely above a whisper because we didn’t want to come off as too conceited. Well, even though no one cares for someone who is super self centered, it’s important that girls begin embracing our inner and outer confidence. There is no shame in loving every part of you and making  sure that others treat you with the same respect that you give to yourself. Being truly confident in who you are is a powerful trait that not only inspires others around you but shows all the talents and gifts you have hidden inside yourself. Ok, so you’re still shying away from the “Go Get’em” attitude.  Check out a couple of tips…

Be Bold!- “What will they think about this? How about if they don’t like it? If I get talked about, How will I ever have friends?” I know sometimes it’s hard to speak up or staying true to yourself can seem more like a headache than fun. It is normal to sometimes think about what other people might think about what you do or say but you cannot be a prisoner to other people’s opinions.  Take control of your life by simply being bold in everything that you do. If that’s raising your hand and answering a question in class to wearing something out of the ordinary- do it with a confidence that will have others curious of your inner power.

Be Tough!- So we all know girls have the reputation of being super sensitive (even though we all know guys are the real cry babies out there.) The hidden fact is that girls have extremely tough skin and can conquer every situation that pops in our lives! The key is to know how strong you are as a person. Do not feed into the stereotype of girls being “weak.” You just have to believe no matter what happens in your life you will reach any goal that you set out to do,  if you keep pushing!

Be Calm- Yes, you may think having a big “ego” or tons of confidence is you prancing down the hallways bragging about yourself. Hmmm… not the case! The most confident people do not have to tell people how strong, courageous, smart, beautiful, funny or anything they are! People with true confidence have a natural glow about them and use their actions to show who they are. Being confident is not needing compliments from everyone or letting everyone knowing what you’re doing in your life but simply loving who you are no matter what. Trust me, people will be trying to figure out your secret for years!

-C.O.R. E Fam

Sophomore Year. At night. Whispering in my bed on my broken Nokio cell phone. Short guy with a nice smile and southern charm. We were chatting about God knows what. All that I do remember was him buttering me up and I was loving it. Giggling and blushing in the dark, I was in a great mood.

“You are fine. I mean you are really fine to be dark skinned.”

Silence.

“Did you hear what I said?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“Um, thank you? I have to go.”

Never talked to him again until months later in an awkward exchange amongst mutual friends.  Throughout my years living in the South, I encountered several people who made the same comment and they were met with the same amount of awe struck and dumbfounded-ness.

Let me explain myself. I grew up in a brown family. My mother is considered by mostly everyone she’s ever met to be dark brown. My father self-identifies as a dark brown man himself. Even the “light-skinned” people in my family are probably more light skinned in their minds than they actually are to the blind eye. I never grew up with a color complex or the feeling of inferiority because I was brown. I grew up primarily in a self-segregated urban city with mostly brown people. For the most part, my teachers were brown and my principals were brown. Varying shades of brown that never really ventured to the ends of the color spectrum. My father always told me I was a beautiful brown girl growing up and I always believed him. I didn’t grow up with that “100% Indian” great-grandmother with silky straight hair that turned her nose up at the sight of a child darker than a paper bag. I just wasn’t the girl who grew up with THAT as an issue.

When I arrived in the South as a young woman, I was struck by how people were constantly described by their skin tone. Their particular shade of brown. I learned very quickly that people thought they were light skinned when to me, their skin wasn’t light at all.  They were complimenting themselves, I soon learned. I learned quickly that brown skin was a nice way of saying dark skin. When someone said you weren’t “that dark” it was a compliment and you should take it. I, however grew up with a father who sang love songs to my mother’s deep mahogany skin. He sang to it. He adorned it and he would double take at any woman with a clear, Vaseline laced shiny Black skin the hue of my mother’s. I just didn’t get it. And then I found a name deeply rooted in our historical complex for it” Colorism.

Colorism can be dangerous in many ways. It can have you believe in the color hierarchy. It eventually became apart of psyche. I eventually decided that I was an exception to this obvious silent rule of black ugliness. I started to see myself on the top of the hierarchy of beauty.  But can we just have a moment of truth here? Your grandmother’s 99 year old great grandmother wasn’t Cherokee and that isn’t why your mother is light skinned.  It isn’t fair to talk about people who have fair skin either even if you feel they may have it better or easier. Many times, depending on the situation they may face just as much scrutiny, teasing, and bullying. At the end of the day, we are all  people-those in many hues.

Colorism is so old. Not only is it old and divisive but it’s completely subjective. The color is in the eye of the person looking at it. Separating people on the beauty based on skin color is innately wrong and can lead to nothing positive.

Good skin is skin that is well taken care of. Love your skin, it protects your body. Be proud of what your skin represents and how lucky and privileged you are to wear it. Don’t allow men, young or old to call you Red-Bone or TarBaby or any other hurtful, lustful names. Take pride in your self and don’t allow people to separate you from your girlfriends based on the color of your skin. You may not be able to change the world just yet, but you have the power to change a piece of it. Say no to Colorism.

-Tenicka Boyd

“Ugh, what do I wear today?? My hair is not doing what its supposed to do! Are these jeans getting tighter?? Am I gaining weight!  Gross, I feel soooo ugly!” are the  thoughts you mumble to yourself before you head out the door in the morning. You finally make it to school but paying attention to Mrs. Williams 1st period Health Class is the last thing on the mind. Even though you do not want to look “vain” you feel you have no choice but to pull out your compact from your bag and keep asking for a hall pass to give yourself another look over before you even think about opening a book.  All day you go back and forth  thinking about how you look, looking from side to side admiring everybody’s characteristics except your own. Now to make things worse, your secret crush just walked by as you try to turn your head quickly in the other direction since you  already assumed in your head he will never look your way.  You finally make it home throw your half read books on your bead and ask yourself “Am I Pretty??”

Of course you are! Now I know you’re saying yes that’s what I’m suppose to write but it’s TRUE! Now, it’s just your job to believe me and yourself. Three ways to get there

Say Something?- “Sticks & stones may hurt my bones but words stick in your mind forever.” Yes, that was my remix of that saying. We definitely do not give words enough credit. Especially what we tell ourselves over and over about ourselves. Even though you might not understand the damage of a short comment of “Ugh, I feel soo ugly today” but you just determined your mood the entire day. Even if you may not feel like it the next time you’re in the mirror tell yourself “I am gorgeous with our without make up. I’m just too fly to be stressed!” Trust me once you plant a new seed you’ll see a difference.

Look to Your Left- Left, right but never center are where your eyes go. You constantly compare yourself to other girls around you, secretly wishing you had their characteristics. Well that stops now. It’s normal to but just make sure to appreciate and love your own beauty just as much as you appreciates the girl next to you.

Discover, Define, Do- Yes just like a 3 step program Discover, Define & Do! First you have to discover your OWN beauty. Beauty is not one right answer. It comes in all shapes & sizes so you first must embrace your own beauty! Once you find out the traits that make you stand apart of the crowd,define it and play it up! If you have killer cheek bones or a great smile rock it hard and make it your own. The last part is to simply do you! Be comfortable and do you.

Beauty ultimately is just inner confidence shining through on the outside, so once you understand that you are simply priceless your beauty will have no choice other than to beam across to everyone!

Miracles & Blessings,

C.O.R.E Family