Q: I have a crush on this really really cute guy at my school. The problem is that I never told anyone not even my best friend. So a couple of months ago my best friend and him started dating. The thing is I always thought that if he had known I liked him he would have never asked her out. Well He broke up with her a couple of weeks ago and we have been talking a lot lately. I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feeling but I don’t want to lose my chance with this boy I’ve been crushing on for the past year. Who knows, he may be my husband one day! What should I do???
A: First and foremost! Let’s slow down with the marriage talk. Think about the guy you dated when you were 15, can you see yourself marrying him? I think not! More than likely you’ll feel the same way about this guy when you’re twenty-one.
The first thing you should do is talk to your friend. Be open, objective, and honest. Use this conversation to find out if she still has feelings for this guy. You also need to find out why she is no longer dating him.You two are best friends for a reason. If there was something about him that she didn’t like then there’s a strong possibility that you will find the same discomfort somewhere down the road.
When you have this conversation be up-front. You might want to start the conversation off by telling your friend how much you value the friendship between the two of you. Explain to her that there is something on your mind that could possibly hurt your friendship but that is the last thing you want to happen.
From that point you should dive right in, ” how would you feel if I told you I wanted to get to know him ??? Better?” I promise you she wouldn’t be defensive but there is a chance her feelings might be a little hurt. The last thing you want to do is flaunt your relationship in front of her. Remember, it’s not WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT.
Give her time to accept the new relationship and slowly work her back around the two of you.