Posts in "Relationships"

Nope, Next, He Gotta Go.

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Relationships, Latest | by — April 24, 2019

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Becoming emotionally invested in a relationship can hinder your view of reality. Like they say, love is blind. The person that you think would be the most genuine could actually be hurting you emotionally. A lot of times when you want something to work so badly, you miss all the signs telling you how much of a player they actually are. We’ve all been there, so here are some major signs to look for.

He flirts with other girls

It’s one thing if he flirts with other girls, but to do it in front of you is another story. It’s his way of telling you that he has no respect for you, which means the relationship needs to be over.

 He makes you feel guilty, no apologies

Often times he wants you to do the things he wants. When you don’t comply, he makes you feel guilty about it. He offers no apologies for making you feel bad or anything he does for that matter. He’s got to go.

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You don’t hit my line no more/excuses

He’ll promise to call or text you, but time passes and before you know it he’s ghosted you all day. When you finally get a hold on him, He’s got excuse after excuse. This behavior is intolerable and it’s time to break it off.

Double standards

He can hang with the guys for a night out but you can’t hang with the girls? It’s called a double standard, which is detrimental to a relationship. It’s also something you cannot let slide because he shouldn’t be putting restrictions on your life. Time to say goodbye.

~Tia Banks, Content Editor

Prom Meltdown? It’s Handled.

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Relationships, Latest | by — March 26, 2019

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Prom is one of the most important and memorable days of your young life. It’s the moment you and your friends have been looking forward to since the first day of senior year. However, the build up to the big day can be stressful because finding the right dress, the right guy, a hairstyle that slays, etc. is a lot of work. The important thing is to start early. That way you can be well prepared and stress free. Below are four reasons it’s important to be an early bird with prom preparation.

The Dress | Finding a dress is the most important thing when it comes to the prom checklist. If you’re able to get that part done early, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor and will save yourself from tons of stress. You’ll also have time to spare in case you need alterations.

The Guy| Securing your date early is another vital key. You want to get him before anyone else does. There’s nothing wrong with asking a guy to prom (or going with your girl squad)!

The Makeup | It’s important that you get a makeup consultation before committing to a look. Getting this done early allows you time to be able to determine your look based on your dress and whatever is trending.

The Ride| This is the most difficult thing to plan, especially when you’re coordinating with a lot of people. Starting early will give everyone plenty of time to get their plans together and pitch in their share for the limo!

~Tia Banks, Content Editor

 

GALS Day vs. BAE Day!

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Relationships, Latest | by — February 13, 2019

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It’s that one day a year that people either seriously dread or go all out for. Typically, you spend Valentine’s Day with the girls but this year is different because you have a boyfriend now. Balancing both of these important people that you care about can be difficult and confusing. You don’t want to bail on your friends that you’ve known forever, however, your boo has become a significant part of your life too. What’s a girl to do?? Luckily, we’ve put together three ways to balance both!

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Split Up Your Time| Enjoy your afternoon with your friends and spend the evening with your boo. You could even spend the day after Valentine’s Day with your crew because that’s when all the candy goes on sale!

A Token of Appreciation | If you decide to cancel on Gal-entine’s Day this year, giving your friends a small gift might not be a bad idea. They’ll definitely appreciate the thought behind it. A great + chic gift to round up for your crew are beauty sheet-masks from Leaders Cosmetics. Meshing much-needed relaxation + hydrating skin rejuvenation, your girl gang will barely notice that you’re gone! Who doesn’t love to Detox and Chill, right?

Mix and Mingle | Have a Valentine’s Day get-together for everyone. Invite your friends and your boyfriend’s single friends. There could be a match waiting to happen!

~Tia Banks, Content Editor

Boy Bye! Over your Bestie’s BF?

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You and your bestie would never be caught without the other. You’ve spent a large portion of your friendship getting into wild shenanigans while making lasting memories. All of a sudden the good times start to slow down significantly. Why? Your bestie is boo’d up! And although you’re happy for her, you cannot stand her new man! What’s a supportive best friend supposed to do?

Keep your FEELINGS out of it| Even though you tell your bestie everything, you don’t have to constantly remind her that you dislike her new bae. The only thing that should matter to you is her happiness.

Check yourself | Ask yourself why you hate your bestie’s BF. Do you not like his character, the way he treats her, or the way her relationship has affected your friendship? Take some time to do some serious reflecting.

Take advice from Frozen and “Let It Go”| Just because your bestie is in a relationship with someone you don’t like, doesn’t mean you have to let that affect your friendship. Yes, you may hang out a little less, but the time you do spend together can still be epic! Just make sure that you continue to be present in your best friend’s life (especially if she needs a shoulder to cry on when they break up).

 

-Tia Banks, Content Editor

 

Cuffin’ Envy? No BAE, No prob

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‘Tis the season to be cuffed and everyone you know is starting to get boo’d up, except you. The colder months also mean the social activities slow down and you see your friends less. Suddenly, you find yourself getting a little lonely. How are you going to make it through cuffing season uncuffed? Read on to find out!

Netflix and Chill Comfortably| It’s time to throw on your favorite pair of sweats, get in a comfy spot, and binge watch all of your favorite shows with no complaints. You can even re-watch The Office for a third time.

More Money, No Problems | The holidays are coming up and since you don’t have a significant other to buy a gift for, this means you have a little extra cash to spend. So treat yourself! That matching purse and wallet you’ve been eyeing is all yours now!

Date Yourself | Tired of being trapped in the house? Go on a date by yourself. It sounds weird, but spending time by yourself is very therapeutic. Some places you could go are the movies, out to breakfast, or even to get a massage.

Tia B., Content Editor

InstaCRUSH or InstaSTALK?

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You know how easy it is to turn into an FBI agent when you’re trying to gather info on your crush. You end up on their sister’s husband’s bestfriend’s cousin’s mother’s page. Well depending on how much information you gather and how often you search, you’re borderline cyberstalking.

Here are 3 ways to know if you have crossed the line:

Catfish– Like many perpetrators on the show, you yourself have developed a fake profile. This is so you can hide behind another identity in order to get more info on your crush without seeming crazy.

Excessive Messaging– Opposite of catfishing, you are not hiding behind a fake identity but you are sending lots of DMs. Even when he doesn’t answer, you continue to send messages in hopes of getting the response you wanted.

You search and search…and search– Not only do you search their Instagram page, but you also look for their Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, Youtube, and probably their Myspace too.

-Content Editor, Tia Banks

Friend Zone: Forget Or Forgive?

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Any relationship should be 50/50 and when you start to notice your friendship becoming strenuous, it might be because you are putting out more effort than you are receiving. Being taken advantage of by a friend isn’t worth it and here are 4 steps to take when you think it’s happening to you.

Give It A Second Look: Determine how the situation makes you feel. If the roles were reversed, would you have done the same thing to your friend like she did to you?

Benefit of The Doubt: Find out if she’s going through a tough time, which is causing her to change her behavior.

Be Assertive, Be Be Assertive: Tell her how you feel and how you think she has taken advantage of you whether it was just this one time or on multiple occasions.

Drop Her: ONLY IF NECESSARY. This is the bottom line. If what you’re saying is going in one ear, out the other, and behavior isn’t changing, it’s best for your own mental health to respectfully move on.

-Tia Banks, Content Editor

3 Ways To #SummerBae!

Flirting is essential when trying to catch the attention of bae, who doesn’t know he’s bae yet. It’s an ability that some of us have naturally and some of us, well, not so much. Let these tips below be a guide for you the next time you’ve got your eye on a cutie:

Touch N’ Go! When you’re chit chatting with a guy and the conversation is flowing smoothly, lay your hand on his arm. You’ve gotta have good timing on this though!

Mic Check!  There is a big difference between hearing him speaking and actually listening to what he’s saying. Pay close attention to him so you can ask questions based on his responses. That shows that you really care.

It’s All In The Gaze! This is a pretty common flirting tip, but one that actually works. Making eye contact with him while he’s across the room shows initial interest or reinforces the flirting you did earlier.

Tia B, Content Editor

Campus Crash? Zen Out!

Coming back from spring break + trying to focus on the rest of the semester is the task of the century. That’s not including the laundry list of responsibilities of  being a full-time college student, balancing a part-time gig, a dwindling social life and still trying to  scrape up all the extra-credit in an attempt to hold on to your GPA. Okay, so before you literally throw your hands-up + just pretend all of your responsibilities don’t exist, we have 3 for-sure tips to CREATE YOUR ZEN:

Breathe In, Breathe out + Chat it Out! Just breathe. Instead of stressing yourself with your  infinite to-do list of tasks in your mind, get out of your head. If that means writing out your thoughts or downloading the Talkspace app for a listening ear, it’s important not to drive your anxiety sky-high by bottling up your emotions. Although friends + family are great outlets, oftentimes they’re the ones bringing the most drama. So embracing online therapy can give you fresh energy to your situations.

Cleanse your CREW!– Speaking of friends, some of them you might need to sage. Okay, not literally burn sage everywhere they go, but  take inventory of who’s in your crew + the energy they bring.  Do you have that one friend that every convo is ALWAYS about her? Or the roommate who’s already on academic probation + gives you 10 reasons to skip class every day? Well, this is the time where you need to shower away draining ties in your life. It doesn’t haven’t to be a full announcement, just don’t be as available. They’ll catch the hint.

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Spring Space- So as the seasons change so should  your space! Do you need to be the next contestant on Room Makeover? Not necessarily, but a few tweaks here + there can help bring you peace while you’re studying for finals. So clean up all of your ramen noodles bowls and halfway full Starbucks cups. Add some color with fresh flowers + daily inspo quotes. You’re on the home stretch! Breathe, release + make it to the finish line.

You’ll thank us, later!

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Love Yourself IRL x Shelby Bentil

Scroll, double tap, scroll. Repeat. This describes our daily habit as we operate without even thinking while subconsciously comparing ourselves to glimpses + fake images of both friends and strangers. With social media acting as the number one addiction, learning to love yourself in real life can seem almost like an impossible task. Young + thriving author Shelby Bentil shares an impactful story of a teen girl struggling to discover herself + dreams in her first book, Diminished Dreams. Get to know how Shelby was inspired to create this story and how it represents numerous girls learning to love themselves while going after their dreams!

Your new book Diminished Dreams is a fiction story that shares the journey of a teen girl + her struggles after she finds out about her pregnancy. What inspired the story line of your book?

My inspiration behind Diminished Dreams is actually pretty complicated. I created the story at the age of 16 and at that time my focus was making the character this deranged teenager who became fed up with everyone hurting her and turning their back on her. This was actually an issue I was dealing with at the time. During my teenage years I experienced so much hurt that I channeled all of it into the character Castel. Now over the years, as I developed emotionally, mentally and spiritually, Castel’s story evolved and I used the character to express only that small part of me. If you notice in the book, Castel is constantly trying to be the positive one and give people chances regardless of how they betray her. In the first draft this was not the case. Castel was actually out to destroy everyone.

How important is it for young females to be proactive when it comes to attacking their goals rather than simply reacting from what their environment gives them? 

For me being proactive and focusing on your goals should always be number one on your to do list. Now don’t get me wrong I know it can become very difficult to not react to what happens in your environment, I myself had to learn the hard way. It took me years to realize I couldn’t fight the world and I am still working on what to give my energy to. What I’ve learned is the more I focus on who I see myself becoming the more I tune out the negativity in my environment.

Getting a grip of who you are as a girl is tough due to a collage of media, school, life’s pressure, & the list goes on. How did you relate to the main character in your book when it came to understanding true self-love?

Castel is me. Well part of me. As I became a woman and learned self-love I transformed her story to reflect that. This is why in the book she grows the way she does. She goes from this girl who is so wrapped up in pleasing others and living how she is told to putting more focus on doing what is best for her and cutting the strings of control.

As a girl do you feel like it’s pressure in high school + college  to conform to be accepted in different areas of your life? For example do you believe you have to be a completely different person with your boyfriend than you are with your parents or friends?

Oh, absolutely there is pressure to conform if you want to be “accepted.” Ironically, as I got older I found myself conforming in different ways than when I was a teenager or a child. For example when I was a child and a teen my main struggle with conformity was the pressure to be “tough.” Growing up in an urban environment, if you were not tough or getting into fights then you were an easy target for bullying. This resulted in me actually turning into a bully and being a very angry and mean child just to have a voice among my peers. As a young adult the levels of conformity transformed into what I looked like, who I dated, what I believed and more. It wasn’t until about several years ago that I really started to embrace me just the way I am. This started with my big chop. Cutting my hair during the “long hair don’t care” movement was a very significant moment for me because I was finally breaking away from labels and other people’s opinions.

(Beautiful comparison photo of legendary author + poet Maya Angelou to young + thriving author Shelby Bentil)

What’s one way girls can block out the noise of distractions early on and embrace their insecurities instead of trying to bury them?

As a young girl what I found most helpful to avoid distractions was getting lost in a hobby connected to my passion, which was writing. Going back to one of the previous questions, your reactions to your environment can really make you or brake you, so for me taking out a pen and my journal to write down what would have gotten me in trouble, allowed me to express myself, move on from an issue and keep pushing forward to my goals. Girls need to find outlets that are not friends, boyfriends or social media but hobbies that will help them discover their seed of greatness. From baking to sports, anything positive and productive will help them keep their head afloat. In terms of insecurities, I understand that is a lot more difficult to deal with because it has to deal with loving yourself. Self-love is easier said than done especially with this wave of social media that pretty much every female you look at appear to be exactly the same. What I believe is most helpful is to always keep positive sayings around to read and tell yourself something positive everyday. When we speak to ourselves positively we feel and live a positive life.

How does writing allow you to go deeper into yourself and grow as a person?

Writing allows me to awaken my creativity. When I write there are no boundaries, no rules. I can create a whole world based on my thoughts and events in my own life. The more I think, the deeper I dig into myself and it amazes me the where my mind wonders off to when I glide my pen on paper. Writing opens this door to an unknown place that only I have access to and from there I begin to challenge what I know and who I am until I reach the next door to the next unknown place, which will lead me to another path of understanding.

Check out more of Shelby here!

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